How I Met Your Mother - Loretta Quote #2
Ted: Your dad is Bob Barker?
Barney: That's right
Lily: The host of The Price Is Right, Bob Barker?
Barney: That's Pops.
Barney: Yes, Robin?
Robin: Why in the world do you think Bob Barker is your father?
Barney: Uh, because my mother told me he was, that's why.
[flashback to Barney as a kid, watching The Price is Right:]
Young Barney: Mom, who's my dad? All the other kids at school know who their dad is. Who's mine?
Loretta: Oh, I don't know. That guy. [points to Barney on TV]
Quote from Barney
Robin: Barney, I didn't know you were such a fan of The Price is Right.
Barney: Are you kidding? T.P.I.R. is not just an indescribably entertaining hour of television, it's a microcosm of our entire economic system, a capitalist utopia, where consumers are rewarded for their persistence, market acumen and intrepid spirit. I gaze upon the glory of The Price Is Right, and I see the face of America. And it is divine. Plus, you know, hot chicks on sports cars.
Quote from Barney
Barney: You guys know how it's hard to be friends with me 'cause I'm so awesome?
Ted: Yes, it's hard to be friends with you. Go on.
Barney: Well, this isn't going to make it any easier. I am going to be on... The Price Is Right.
Marshall: No way!
Barney: Yes, in a couple days, Rich Fields is going to call out my name, and I will come on down.
Marshall: Whoa, that is so awesome.
Quote from Barney
Ted: Why is this such a big deal?
Barney: Okay, guys, sit down, I've got to tell you something. [They were all sitting already] The reason I'm going on The Price Is Right is because I've decided that it's time for me to meet my real father.
Ted: Your father?
Barney: That's right. My father... is Bob Barker.
Quote from Cleaning House
Loretta: Okay, everyone, lunch is ready. Who wants sloppy joes?
James: Mom, who's Sam Gibbs?
Loretta: [squeals] That doesn't sound familiar. Who wants sloppy joes?
James: There's a picture of me and Barney in an envelope addressed to him. And you wrote "Your son" on the back.
Loretta: Oh, no, that... It says "Yourson." For Yourson, North Dakota. That's where we took the picture. Lovely town. We went kayaking, and you two rescued the mayor's dog, which had wandered into the rapids. Then Mayor Sam Gibbs asked for your pictures so the city could make statues of you both. I guess I never sent it. That's embarrassing. Now, how about those sloppy joes?
James: If this picture was taken in North Dakota, then why is our old swing set in the background?
Loretta: [shouts] I don't know! I did my best as a single parent and it wasn't always easy. And I'd recommend putting the coleslaw right on top of the sloppy joe. Because it's delicious. That's why!
Quote from Single Stamina
[Flashback to 1982, where young Barney and James are watching TV:]
Future Ted: [v.o.] The truth is, Barney and James got a lot of different explanations from their mom over the years.
Loretta: Well, boys, you look different because when I was pregnant with you, I only ate vanilla ice cream. And when I was pregnant with you, can you guess what kind of ice cream I ate?
Loretta: No, James, I ate chocolate ice cream. But I did drink tons of coffee when I was pregnant with both of you. Can't smoke without my coffee.
[flashback to 1984:]
Loretta: I don't know, boys, I guess it's just one of those things.
[flashback to 1986:]
Loretta: Stop asking me! You know what you two are? You're little racists!
Quote from The Bro Mitzvah
Loretta: Hold on. You want me to help you trick my own son? I love it. Barney deserves it. You know, he told me you were a virgin.
Robin: [scoffs] Ridiculous!
Loretta: I know. You are a dirty ho-bag just like me. But he loves you so much. And so do I.
Robin: [mouths] Ho-bag?