Barney: We're going to Sascha's.
Ted: Who the hell is Sascha?
Barney: Sascha. [points to security woman] She's having friends over for drinks at her house. It's gonna be legen- wait for it, and I hope you're not lactose intolerant 'cause the second half of that word is -dairy!

Barney: Okay, listen, I am going to get you to that hospital or die trying. And if I succeed, I ask only one thing in return. Let me choose your child's middle name because I have thought of the most awesome name of all time.
Marshall: What's the middle name?
Barney: Wait for it.
Marshall: I'm waiting.
Barney: Wait for it.
Marshall: I said I'm waiting.
Barney: Wait for it.
Marshall: What's the middle name?
Barney: No, the middle name is wait for it. Let's say the first name is - oh, I don't know - Barney. He'd be Barney Wait for It Eriksen. How awesome is that?
Marshall: That is... the coolest middle name of all time!

Robin: Aw... Look at my little cousins in their flower-girl dresses.
Barney: Aw, they'll look so cute next to the ring bear.
Robin: Yeah. Wait, you said ring bearer, right?
Barney: [nods] Ring bear.
Robin: Ring bearer.
Barney: Ring bear.
Robin: Are you planning some crazy stunt with a dangerous wild animal at our wedding because...

Lily: [inner monologue] No, I'm not looking. I don't need to see my child used against me. My sweet, beautiful child, who I haven't seen in a week. Whose head smells like love and unicorn teardrops and why are trains so Ionely? Damn it, I'm looking.
The Mother: Hey, are you okay? You look stressed. Plus, you muttered a few words out loud. I heard "Ionely" and "unicorn." Which actually gave me a great idea for a children's book, so thank you. Are you okay?
Lily: No.
The Mother: But there's nothing you can do... You want a cookie?
Lily: Yes. Yes, I do.
The Mother: Wow. You just took a cookie from a complete stranger on a train. I like how trusting you are. There could be drugs or poison in there.
Lily: There's not, is there?
The Mother: No idea, I found them under my seat. Kidding! Sorry. You looked stressed so I thought you could use a cookie. Then I thought you could use a joke. I should've stopped at the cookie.
Lily: You know, I don't care if these are poisoned. There's chocolate and peanut butter and caramel in these sumbitches!
The Mother: I call them "Sumbitches!"
Future Ted: [v.o.] And that's how Lily met your mother.

Barney: Oh, boy, my brother wants to know what time he goes on at the reception.
Robin: What does that mean?
Barney: Every wedding he attends, James insists on performing.
[flashback to a side portrait of James wearing a prosthetic beard, a white-haired wig and a white suit:]
James: [singing] Islands in the stream That is what we are No one in between
[present:]
Robin: So? What do you got against K-Rodge? Everybody loves "The Gambler."
Barney: Wait for it.
[flashback:]
James: How can we be wrong?
[James turns to the other side, revealing a blonde wig, no beard and a sparkly red dress:]
James: Sail away with me To another world [turns back] And we rely on each other Uh-huh