Robin: You have to go home and get to bed.
Barney: Oh, Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north, let me tell you about a little thing I like to call mind over body. You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story. Yeah, in two minutes, I'm going to pound a sixer of Red Bull, hop in a cab, play a couple of hours of laser tag, maybe get a spray-on tan. It's gonna be legen... Wait for it... [Barney falls asleep]

Barney: [slurring] A few final thoughts. Don't get married until you're 30. Play laser tag once a week. Give at least as many high fives as you get. Teacup pigs are lady magnets, but very hard to care for. Not worth the effort. The same goes for dogs and babies. And most importantly, whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary unless your friends are there to see it. Good luck, boys. Take care of the game for me.
Kyle: We will. Did you ever get his name?
Justin: No. What'd he give you?
Kyle: I don't know, but I think it's important. [Kyle holds a scrap of papers titled "The Playbook"]

Barney: Okay, listen, I am going to get you to that hospital or die trying. And if I succeed, I ask only one thing in return. Let me choose your child's middle name because I have thought of the most awesome name of all time.
Marshall: What's the middle name?
Barney: Wait for it.
Marshall: I'm waiting.
Barney: Wait for it.
Marshall: I said I'm waiting.
Barney: Wait for it.
Marshall: What's the middle name?
Barney: No, the middle name is wait for it. Let's say the first name is - oh, I don't know - Barney. He'd be Barney Wait for It Eriksen. How awesome is that?
Marshall: That is... the coolest middle name of all time!

Robin: Wait, think about it. The first time Barney gave us that drink, those hangovers all happened at the worst possible moments. Remember? Marshall thought he botched day two of the bar exam, so he freaked out that night and got wasted?
[flashback:]
Marshall: Now I'm gonna miss the last day of the bar. I'll never be a lawyer. I should just go back to being a manager at Structure. That "10 percent off all vests" sale? That was my idea. As was cutting the arms off the shirts that weren't selling. That's where I belong.
Barney: No, Marshall, you're gonna be a lawyer.
[flashback:]
Robin: Ugh. No, I can't do it.
Barney: Yes, you can. Your first day back, live on the air, is gonna be legen... Wait for it.
[flashback:]
Barney: Dary. Your kindergarten field trip to the Jackhammer and Siren Museum today is gonna be legendary.
[flashback:]
Ted: No, it's not. Nothing's ever gonna be legendary again, I'm never gonna recover from this.
Barney: It's just a hangover, Ted.
Ted: Not that. I got left at the altar, Barney. I'm now a guy who got left at the altar. There's no coming back from that.
Barney: Drink this. You're gonna be okay.

Ted: Why do you have those suitcases, and who are we picking up?
Barney: I don't know. Maybe her? Or her.
Ted: Wait, so when you said you were going to "Pick someone up at the airport". You meant you were going to "pick someone up" at the airport.
Barney: [winks] Scenario. Couple of girls fly into town, looking for a fun weekend in NYC when they meet two handsome international business men just back from a lucrative trip to Japan. Sample dialogue, "You have a wheelie bag? Wh- I have a wheelie bag!"
Ted: You've gotta be kidding me.
Barney: False. Sidebar, tuck in your shirt. You look sketchy.
Ted: I'm sketchy?
Barney: Trust me, it's going to be legendary.
Ted: Don't say "legendary", okay? You're too liberal with the word legendary.
[flashback:]
Barney: We're building an igloo in Central Park. It's gonna be legendary. Snow suit up!

Barney: [on the phone] MacLaren's is bore, snore. Ted, tonight we're going to go out. We're going to meet some ladies. It's going to be legendary. Phone-five! [high-fives the phone]
Future Ted: [v.o.] I had no idea why I hung out with Barney.
Barney: You didn't phone-five did you? I know when you don't phone-five, Ted.

Barney: [on the phone] Come on, we always go to MacLaren's.
Ted: Yeah, cause MacLaren's is fun.
Barney: MacLaren's is this much fun. What I'm offering is the chance to have this much fun.
Ted: See, you say that. You say it's going to be this much fun. But most of the time it ends up being this much fun. This much fun is good! It's safe. It's guaranteed!
Barney: This hand gesture thing doesn't really work on the phone, does it?
Ted: No, it doesn't.