Robin: You know, I really think that Don and I are hitting our stride as a news team.
Marshall: Yeah.
Don: Well, all credit goes to this lady on my left. That story you did on which rodents to avoid on the subway...
Robin: The answer may surprise you. It's all of them.

Marshall: Okay, Robin, that guy is awesome. He's funny. He's smart. He's handsome. You got to scoop him up before someone else does.
Robin: I hope you're not talking about you?

Ted: Sounds like she read that book, Of Course You're Still Single. Take a Look at Yourself, You Dumb Slut. What? It's this book that helps single girls find a husband. It's Robin's copy. I've just... I've leafed through it a little bit.

Barney: Aha! You're trying that, Of Course You're Still Single. Take a Look at Yourself, You Dumb Slut
crap on me!
Anita: It's not crap! Of Course You're Still Single. Take a Look at Yourself, You Dumb Slut is a brilliant book. And, it scares away guys who are only interested in getting laid.
Barney: Why not just say you have a kid?
Anita: You'd be surprised how many jerks there are out there. That's why the book says, "Never sleep with a guy on the first date."
Barney: Totally.
Anita: "Or the second date."
Barney: Of course.
Anita: "Or the third date."
Barney: Well...
Anita: "Or the fourth date."
Barney: Well, just tell me how many dates.
Anita: Seventeen.
Barney: [stutters, turns to a woman sitting by an empty chair] Excuse me, is anyone using this? [Barney sits on the chair and instantly falls off]

[As Robin talks on the phone to Don, Marshall jumps on the line]
Robin: Look, Don, listen, it's really sweet of you to ask. And you're a great guy.
Marshall: [high-pitched] Yes, I'll go out with you.
Don: Robin, are you okay?
Marshall: Um, I just have a little cold. That's probably what you're hearing. But Saturday night sounds great. We can even go to a steak house. And you can bring home some prime rib for my friend Marshall. Okay, got to go. Love you, bye. [hangs up]
Robin: What the hell are you thinking?
Marshall: Robin, you've got to do this, okay? A great guy like Don is rare. And speaking of rare, prime rib.

Lily: Boy, this girl that Barney's going after, she kind of sounds like the anti-Barney. I love how the universe decided to bring those two together.
Robin: Actually, Anita's going after Barney because I told her to.

[flashback to Anita and Robin on the set of her news show:]
Anita: What about you, Robin? You dating anyone?
Robin: Oh. Dating's not really my bag right now.
Anita: Uh-oh. Did somebody break your heart?
[present, at MacLaren's:]
Robin: And then, I told her everything. It just came pouring out. And by the end of it, she said...
[flashback:]
Anita: This Barney needs to be taught a lesson. You say the word and I will destroy him.
Robin: What do you mean?
Anita: I can use the power of no to break your friend Barney. Just say the word.
Robin: Come on. That stuff doesn't really work, does it?
Mike: I didn't know what you wanted, so I got you a cappuccino, an espresso, a latte, a decaf... Oh, hi, Robin. And this is a Turkish coffee.
Anita: Thank you, Mike. [to Robin] Think about it.

Robin: I didn't think I was gonna think about it, but then, I thought about it.
[flashback to the whole gang at MacLaren's:]
Barney: Oh, this pilates instructor was off the charts. Picture Robin, but younger. And bigger boobs. Maybe not bigger, but more shapely, and bigger.
Anita: [answers the phone] Hello?
Barney: I get her up against the StairMaster, and we...
Robin: [on the phone] Do it.
Barney: Spoilers! Anyway, we do it.
Anita: It's done.

Robin: Look, I know, it was stupid. But you have to understand, back then I was still really upset about the breakup. I was going through my mourning period. There was a lot of Scotch and a lot of long nights at the shooting range.
Lily: Hmm. I hope those weren't the same nights.
Robin: Geez, Lily, it's not like I remember all of them.

Marshall: Hey, babe, did you know that Robin was going through a mourning period? I mean, she seemed fine after the breakup.
Lily: Oh, you know how she is. She tries to keep her emotions to herself. But, yeah, I caught her crying a couple times. She cried? Like real tears? But that means... Oh, no.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And then Marshall realized what a jackass he'd been to Robin.
[flashback to the gang at MacLaren's:]
Marshall: Exactly. Barney's dating again and he couldn't be happier. I mean, that guy has been active. Sexually. All right, he's just been like, bang, bang, bang! You know? It's like, bang, bang, bang, bang. [singing] Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bangity bang I said a bang, bang, bang, bangity bang bang, bang, bang Bang, bang, bangity bang I said a bang, bang, bangity bang.
[present:]
Marshall: How could you let me do that? You're my wife. You're supposed to stop me from embarrassing myself in public.
Lily: I know. But that song's kind of catchy. [singing] Bang, bang, bangity bang
Both: [singing] Bang, bang, bangity bang I said, bang, bang, bangity bang Bang, bang, bangity bang