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Of Course

‘Of Course’

Season 5, Episode 17 -  Aired March 8, 2010

After Robin sets Barney up with a self-help guru (guest star Jennifer Lopez) whose book preaches the power of saying "No", the gang realize that Robin is still hurting from the break-up.

Quote from Marshall

Future Ted: [v.o.] Finally, the night of the big dates arrived.
Marshall: So, tonight's the big night. Where's the D-bag taking you? That's not a good nickname for Don. I'll think of a better one.

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Quote from Ted

Ted: Robin Scherbatsky, you look like the classiest, most expensive prostitute ever.
Robin: Oh, thank you.

Quote from Marshall

[flashback to Ted and Robin talking before the date with Don:]
Ted: I bet you'll have a nice time tonight.
Robin: Yeah.
Ted: Not, however, a super time. A super time will be had by Barney on his date with Anita. Yep. Carriage ride,
dinner at Le Tombeur des Culottes. They're calling it a super date. So...
[present, at MacLaren's:]
Marshall: Ted! How could you do that? Robin just got over her mourning period.
Ted: She seemed so happy after the breakup.
Marshall: Oh, Ted. So unobservant. Such a guy.

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: She was obviously crushed.
Ted: Wait, but that would mean... Oh, no.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And then I realized what a jackass I'd been to Robin.
[flashback to Ted joining Marshall as they discussed Barney's sex life at MacLaren's:]
Marshall: I said a bang, bang, bangity bang
Ted: Hey, what you singing?
Marshall: Just a little ditty I wrote about how many girls Barney's been banging lately.
Ted: Well, count me in for a verse.
Marshall: Great!
Both: [singing] Bang, bang, bangity bang I said, a bang, bang, bangity bang Bang, bang, bang Bang, bang, bangity bang I said a bang bang...

Quote from Marshall

[After Marshall punches the head off Barney's Stormtrooper:]
Barney: Dude, why would you do that?
Marshall: Because I'm angry at you! I'm angry at me! I'm angry at Ted! And frankly, I'm still angry at the Empire.

Quote from Ted

Ted: Dude, you've been a real jerk in front of Robin while she's been going through her mourning period.
Barney: Mourning period? She hasn't been going through any mourning period.
Ted: So unobservant.
Marshall: Such a guy.

Quote from Barney

Lily: Ugh, Barney, sit down. You need to hear some stuff.
Barney: Wait, what? Is she upset or something?
Lily: Of course she's upset. Take a look at yourself, you dumb slut.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And then Aunt Lily told Barney every excruciating detail of what he hadn't been seeing
since the breakup.
[flashback to the gang in the apartment:]
Barney: You should've seen this girl. Bang, ping, pawdau, gu-dunk.
Robin: Okay, I'm leaving.
Barney: So, we get up to my place.
[Robin goes out into the hallway and sobs]
[flashback: As Robin and the gang watch the Super Bowl, they see Barney advertising his number for women to call. Robin then eats chicken wings while sobbing on the kitchen floor.]
[flashback to Barney joining Marshall and Ted as they sing about his sex life in MacLaren's:]
All: [singing] ... bang, bangity bang, bang, bang, bang Bang, bang, bangity bang I said bang, bang, bangity bang, bang, bang, bang
[present: Barney throws up in the Stormtrooper helmet]

Quote from Robin

Barney: Hey.
Robin: Hey, Barney. What's up? [sniffling] I thought you were going on some big date.
Barney: Robin, I know you're upset.
Robin: What? No. I have never been happier. And this Anita sounds lovely. I am so glad that you two just randomly happened to find each other. It just warms my freaking heart! [fires gun repeatedly and throws it when it runs out of bullets]
Barney: So, are you sure you're not upset?
Robin: Well, of course I'm upset, Barney! Don't you see how constantly talking about your conquests makes me feel like I'm just another number to you?
Barney: But you're not just another number to me.
Robin: You know, and now you're taking Anita, who you barely know, on this amazing date, when I never got treated that way. It just... It just sucks, that's all. It just sucks.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Wow. I knew I was bad at being a boyfriend, but I had no idea I'd be so much worse at being an ex-boyfriend. I'm sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?
Robin: Nothing, Barney. You've already proven that I'm not important to you.
Barney: Oh, stop that. I'm serious. Ask me for anything.
Robin: Uh, okay, don't sleep with Anita.
Barney: Done.
Robin: Barney, of course you're gonna sleep with her. Why else would you be taking her on this superdate?
Barney: She's not going on the superdate, Robin. You are.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Your Uncle Barney finally gave Aunt Robin the superdate she truly deserved. With a guy she truly deserved. Of course, there was still one loose end.

Quote from Barney

Anita: Barney.
Barney: Oh, hey, Anita. I totally meant to call you.
Anita: Well, I'm breaking all my rules coming down here, but nobody stands me up like that, so, are we going out or what?
Barney: I'm sorry, I made a promise to a friend. I have to say no.
Anita: Oh. Oh, I see. [scoffing] You're trying the "no" thing on me. You really think that's gonna work? 'Cause it won't! Okay, how about this, I'll cut you a deal. Maybe you might get lucky after the 12th date.
Barney: No.
Anita: The 11th date.
Barney: No.
Anita: Fifth date.
Barney: No.
Anita: Tonight.
Barney: No.
Anita: Tonight before dinner.
Barney: No.

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