Marshall: Robin?
[flashback to Robin Sr. on the phone with Robin:]
Robin Sr.: And so, despite the endless disappointment you've caused me, I pray that this will finally be the year you achieve something of actual significance. I'd love to stop lying to my friends about you
being in a coma. Anyway, the point is, happy birthday, RJ.
[present:]
Barney: Whoa-ho!
Ted: Wow.
Lily: That's awful.
Robin: No, here's the awful part.
[flashback:]
Robin: You remembered my birthday!
[present:]
[Robin drinks from the flask]

Marshall: "I love you". My father's last words to me are "I love you".
Marvin Sr.: [on message] Ooh, and let me know if you find my foot cream. That fungus thing is acting up again.
Marshall: "I love you". My father's last words to me are "I love you".
Lily: Yes.
Ted: Yes, they were.
Barney: We heard it. Loud and clear.
Marshall: Bye, Pop.

Future Ted: [v.o.] So Marshall finally got up to speak. Funny thing, though...
Marshall: Then my father said the last words that he'll ever say to me: "Rent Crocodile Dundee III. I caught it on the cable last night and it totally holds up".
Future Ted: He decided to keep Marvin's real last words just for himself.

Judy: Thanks.
Lily: For what?
Judy: I know what you've been doing today. And I really needed it.
Lily: Any time.
Judy: That dress makes you look like a Kansas City whore. Sorry, dear. Last one.

Marshall: I'll be right back. And if I don't come back, well, then these are my last words to you all. I really, really, really love you guys. And I'm going to go drop a deuce.
All: [groan]
Future Ted: [v.o.] Last words, it's a lot of pressure, kids.
Ted: It gets you thinking. [on the phone] Hi, Dad.
Lily: [on the phone] Hi, Dad.
Robin: [on the phone] Hi, Dad.
Barney: [on the phone] Hey, Mom. [sighs] I'm ready to meet my dad.

Lily: Marshall's mom hasn't eaten, slept or sat down since we got here. Wait! That can be my role! I'll take care of Judy!
Robin: Yeah, but doesn't Marshall's mom hate you... the fact that you two aren't very close?
Ted: Sweet save.
Lily: Okay, yes, Judy and I aren't besties, but today, whatever she needs, I'm there. I'm on Judy duty.
Ted: [laughs] "Judy duty".
Barney: She said "doody".
Robin: Really, guys? At a funeral?
Ted: Uh, okay, while not all of us possess your lofty sense of decorum, Drug-Dealer-From-An-'80s-After-School-Special, we have to laugh today.

Barney: Marshall Eriksen, you could use a laugh.
Ted: Yeah! This video is entitled, "Little League Coach Gets Hit in the Nuts by a Foul Ball and Then Vomits in a Garbage Can". I don't wanna give anything away. Let's just watch.
Ted & Barney: Oh!
Barney: See? 'Cause, 'cause he got hit...
Ted: right in the nuts,
Both: And the fat kid just runs away.

Trey: So, my dad has these questions he asks to help create a theme for the service, or whatever. Question one: "What were your last words with the deceased?" Lame. Question two:
Judy: Wait. My last words with Marvin were lovely. I've been thinking about them a lot.
Marcus: Me, too. We went for a hike in the snow and had this amazing talk.
Marvin Jr.: My last day with Pop, he taught my son how to skate.

Judy: "Last words" seems like a good theme. Marshall, do you remember the last thing your father said to you?
[flashback to Marvin Sr. and Judy leaving Marshall and Lily's apartment:]
Judy: Bye, sweetie.
Marshall: Bye, Mom.
Marvin Sr.: Son, there's something I want to say before I leave.
Marshall: Yeah, Dad?
Marvin Sr.: Could I snag that extra pork chop for the flight?
Marshall: I was gonna make a sandwich with that, Dad.
Marvin Sr.: Ah.
Marshall: Dad, don't they have food on the plane?
Marvin Sr.: Yeah, but plane food is ass.

Barney: This next clip is entitled, "Guy Playing Bagpipes Gets Hit in the Nuts by Low-Flying Seagull". Let's see what happens. [bagpipes]
Barney & Ted: Here he comes... Oh! Oh!
Barney: 'Cause he gets hit right in the nuts. And then the fat kid
Ted: loses his swim trunks.
Barney: Fall off. Shorts
Ted: just fall right off.