Ted: It's probably a good thing they're closing Gazzola's. Those trips were brutal, right? The long hours in the car, the motion sickness, the smell.
Marshall: So what time are we leaving for Gazzola's tomorrow?
Ted: I was thinking 9:00, 9:30.

Robin: You guys will not believe this. I've been talking to my lawyer all morning. You know that guy I have a slight disagreement with at the Hoser Hut? He's filing assault charges. [flashback to the fight] I broke his nose with a chair. And now, apparently, I may end up getting deported.

Robin: Well, there's only one possible way to avoid getting deported. My lawyer said I could become an American citizen.
Barney: Perfect. Problem solved. Welcome aboard.
Robin: Well, it's not that simple. I'm a Canadian. I was born there. My family's there. It's who I am.
Barney: I know, and it's provided us with a lot of laughs. But, Robin, if you want to live here, work here and throw chairs at people here, you have to do this.

Marshall: [enters wearing a drinks helment] Ted! Ted! Check it out! I got black coffee on the left, I got Tantrum on the right! Do you have a phone book?!
Ted: Yes, I do! I don't know why they make phone books anymore. Everything's online, right?
[Marshall tears the phone book]
Marshall: Tantrum!
Ted: Tantrum!

Lily: All right, let's hit the road.
Ted: You invited Lily?
Marshall: We most certainly did! [Marshall and Lily leave]
Barney: I don't know if you caught that, but he did the "we" thing.
Ted: Yeah, I heard him.
Barney: Okay.

Marshall: Don't worry, we'll get out on the road, it'll be just like old times.
Future Ted: [v.o.] It wasn't.
[flashback to one of Ted and Marshall's college road trips:]
Both: [singing] But I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more.
[jump forward to Ted, Marshall and Lily on the road:]
Lily: Sugar snap pea? Pea... That reminds me, I have to pee.
[flashback to Ted covering Marshall's eyes as he drives the car:]
Ted: Okay, straight, straight, straight. Now, wait, a little to the left. We'll pass a state trooper.
[present: Ted is asleep in the car]
Lily: Ooh, punch buggy yellow! [hits Ted's arm]
Ted: Ow!
Lily: Yellow, that reminds me, I have to pee.
[flashback to Ted going through a toll booth naked in 1999:]
Ted: Thank you!

Lily: Oh, hey, Ted...
Ted: You can't have to go again. It's not humanly possible.
Lily: No, I was just going to say maybe we should listen to something.
Ted: Oh, that's a great idea. I think I have some Jerky Boys.
Marshall: Goodbye, Sparky.
Lily: It's an audio book about a boy and his dog. It made Elisabeth Hasselbeck cry.

Future Ted: [v.o.] It was the worst trip ever, but then it got worse.
Marshall: Well, don't worry, the next exit's the hotel. We can go there.
Ted: Hotel?
[cut to Ted, Marshall and Lily in the lobby of a hotel:]
Woman: Crumpet Manor is listed in the American Registry of Historic Bed and Breakfasts. Our door is opened on Christmas day, 1881. And we have catered to couples ever since.
Marshall: Well, I mean, single people can have fun here, too, right?
Woman: Oh, I suppose I could arrange a little recreation. Do you enjoy sitting on a bench?

Woman: Look who's back from the wishing well.
Ted: It didn't work, I'm still here. Marshall, what are we doing? We should be on the road.
Marshall: Look, Ted, we're not in college anymore, okay? We don't have to drive all night.
Lily: Besides, they have a spa. What kind of treatments do you offer?
Woman: All our spa treatments are designed for couples. Would you be interested in the two person, cornmeal body scrub?
Future Ted: [v.o.] And then finally it happened. Marshall and Lily globbed into one big married glob.
[Ted imagines Lily and Marshall's bodies merging]
Marshall and Lily: We'd love cornmeal body scrub!
Ted: Whoa. I got to dial back on the Tantrum.

Robin: [inner monologue] Oh, yeah, I'm gonna be an American, y'all. [throws beer can on the ground] Maybe I'll rob a liquor store. Maybe I won't. My choice. Learn English! The Hoser Hut. I could duck in for a drink. No, no, that life's behind me. Forget it. Well, I could in for just one beer. What's the harm in that? It's a free country.
[later, in the Hoser Hut, Robin joins in as everyone sings the Canadian national anthem:]
All: [singing] O Canada Our home and native land...
Robin: [sobbing] Oh, God, I miss it.
All: True patriots love...