Robin: Oh, wow, he must be really good-looking.
Ted: Why would you say that?
Robin: Well, 'cause only good-looking people can get away with saying things like that.
Barney: I have found that to be true.
Marshall: It's a blessing and a curse really.

Robin: So, what are you gonna do?
Ted: Well, it's awkward, I mean, the guy used to be my boss. So, I went to talk to the managing partner.
[flashback:]
Managing Partner: Fire him.
Ted: Well, sir, I was thinking he could just be put on a different project.
Managing Partner: Fire him! He's an arrogant, washed-up, pain in the ass. In fact, fire everyone on that project. Druthers, Mosby, the whole lot of them.
Ted: Mosby, sir? I, I... I hear Mosby's doing some great work.
Managing Partner: Fine, Mosby can stay. But tell him he's on thin ice. Come here. I like you, Crosby.

Barney: I know, right? Behind the piano this whole time.
Robin: Wait. If Marshall went to all this trouble to hide it, he clearly doesn't want us to find it.
Barney: Oh, come on, Robin.
Robin: No, I'm saying that he must be really embarrassed by this. We are gonna have so much fun.
Barney: I know! We're gonna have so much fun!

Barney: Oh, hey, Marshall. Have a seat. I know how much you love stools.
Marshall: Thanks. Yeah, stools are better for your posture.
Robin: And, uh... I... got you a rose.
Marshall: Thank you. That's so sweet. You guys are being... so sweet.
Barney: Hey, guys. Guess what I got. A new dart.
Robin: Oh, wow, a new dart.
Ted: Hey, that new dart is great.
Robin: I did not know you were such a fan of new dart, Barney.
Barney: Oh, yes, Robin, I just love new dart. Nude art.
Ted: Nude art.
Robin: Nude art.

[flashback to Lily and Marshall in college in 1998:]
Future Ted: [v.o.] So the story on the painting is that, back in college, Lily wanted to do a nude study for her art class. Marshall wasn't so into the idea.
Marshall: Well, I just don't think that some dude should drop trou just to pose for you.
Lily: It's for class, and it's just that weird kid Hunter from my freshman hall.
Marshall: The frisbee dude with the soul patch? He's like the hottest guy in school!
Lily: No, he's actually a little husky...
Marshall: Oh, he's just huggable! And complicated. And a little bit of a jerk. Just enough so you think maybe you can change him.

[flashback to Lily and Marshall in college in 1998:]
Lily: Okay, just forget it.
Marshall: Call me old-fashioned, I just think that I'm the only guy you should see naked.
Lily: Well, then you'll have to do it.
Marshall: Are you kidding me? What if somebody sees it?
Lily: We're not in high school anymore. People don't make fun of you for posing nude for a painting. We're adults now.
[present:]
Barney: We totally saw your butt.

Carl: Hey, Marshall. What'll you have?
Marshall: What'll I have? Um, I don't know, maybe a beer and that nude painting of me hanging behind the bar!
Carl: Ooh, I'm sorry, that painting's property of the bar.
Marshall: I know that Barney gave you that painting.
Carl: I don't know what you're talking about.
Marshall: Whatever he's paying you, I'll pay you double.
Carl: I doubt it.
Marshall: Whatever he's paying you, I'll give you that plus ten bucks.
Carl: I doubt it.
Marshall: All right, you know what, Carl, you just lost yourself a regular customer.
Carl: I doubt it.

Robin: Okay, where should we put it up next? In his law school? Ooh, on the side of a bus. Oh, oh! How much do billboards cost?
Barney: Easy, Scherbatsky. Finesse. I've got a five-year rollout plan. I'll have you know that painting's got commitments all over the city. Then, after New York...
[Marshall runs from the back to the bar, grabs the painting and runs out]
Ted: One of my worst fears has come true, I just saw Marshall grabbing himself naked.

Lily: You know, I wish everyone didn't have to make fun of that painting.
Barney: Eh, we're not making fun of the painting, we're just making fun of Marshall. The painting's actually really great.
Lily: Are you serious?
Barney: Yeah.
Lily: Well, thank you. You know, seeing it again makes me miss painting nudes. What?
Barney: Paint me.
Lily: What?
Barney: Paint me.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Druthers and I were alone in the office. If I was gonna fire him, this would be the best chance I'd ever have.
Mr. Druthers: Uh, look, just a second, Ted.
Ted: Uh, no, I, I really need to talk to you. Look, there's no easy way to say... What, what are you doing?
Mr. Druthers: What are you doing?
Ted: I'm standing here wearing pants. Are you sleeping here?