Al: Well, it's time for a different sort of cardiovascular exercise. Uh, by the way, this happens to be the Man's Steam Room.
Man: [o.s.] There's a draft! Close the door!
Al: Well, nothing gets the heart pumping faster than the Man's Exercise Bike.
Tim: In the Man's Gym, we don't use an ordinary exercise bike. We use one of these.
Al: That's right. This can be set to many different levels.
Tim: Beginning rider, expert rider... And if you're tired of pedaling altogether, we got Easy Rider. [engine starts] [crashing]

Tim: Got my first Tool Time show dubbed in Swedish. And... our first check.
Jill: Oh.
Randy: Cool! How much did they pay you?
Tim: Well, if it's any of your business, which it's not, it's 1,500 kroners.
Brad: Wow! How much is that in American money?
Jill: $22.83.
Mark: That's it?
Tim: Well, wait until the money starts rolling in from Lapland.

Randy: [chuckles] You know, I never understood that joke till I heard it in Swedish.

Jill: This is so weird. It doesn't sound anything like you. [man screaming] That sounds like you.

Tim: Oh, you guys scoff. This episode will blow those Swedes right out of their Volvos. It's a whole salute to men: men and their hobbies, men's gadgets, a man's gym.
Jill: And what about the European women? What's in it for them?
Tim: Same thing that's in it for the American women.
Jill: Al?

Tim: Morning, Fred. Ooh, boy!
Fred: Yeah.
Tim: Are the Swedish guys here?
Fred: Uh, the Swedish guys. I think they'll be here any minute.
Tim: You think? You're the producer of the show, right?
Fred: Uh, yeah! Unless you know something.
Tim: It's 30 degrees out here. Why are you sweating?
Fred: Oh. [stammering] I'm sorry. I'll try to stop.

Fred: Tim, your idea for today's show is one of your best. Possibly the best ever. Would it embarrass you if I used the word "genius"?
Tim: Wait a minute. Your contract's up at the end of the month, isn't it?
Fred: This month. Uh, yeah. Can you put in a word for me with Binford?
Tim: I'll put in two words: "kiss up." [Fred laughs]

Tim: Al.
Al: Hey, Tim. Fred.
Tim: Excited about the show? It's a big one.
Al: Oh, Al Borland is gonna take Europe by storm!
Tim: Uh... Hey, Al. You might want to remove the toilet paper from your shoe.
Fred: I'll get it. Here, Al. Let me help you.

Wilson: I can't wait to surprise my Uncle Nielson Wilson.
Björn: Nielson Wilson? I know him! In Stockholm he's a barrel maker, ja?
Wilson: [speaking Swedish]
Björn: [speaking Swedish]
Tim: Excuse me, guys. Excuse me?
Björn: Hey! Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
Tim: Bjorn "The Swede That's Gonna Buy My Show" Larson. Uh, Wayne, Wayne. Come on in for a minute. This is one of the men coming to look at the show. Take him around. Give him anything he wants. Keep him away from my bagels.

Tim: Fred, Fred, wait!
Fred: Yeah? What's up, boss?
Tim: Uh, I have not seen the Andrettis yet.
Fred: Uh...
Tim: They're on the show, right?
Fred: Uh, no. They had to cancel because they have the flu.
Tim: How long have you known about this, Fred?
Fred: What's the longest I could know without getting in trouble?