Jill: Tim, just leave it alone. I'm fine with my car the way it is. Mind your own business.
Tim: You know what's gonna happen. That scratch is gonna rust. That rust will cause corrosion, which will eat away at the car, which will, in turn, eat away at me, leaving me a sad, pathetic, worthless man who just sits around the house moaning, "My car is wearing makeup. My car has got makeup."
Jill: Just take the keys. Oh, and while you're out, pick me up some green eye shadow. I noticed a nick on your lawn mower and I wanna touch it up.

Tim: OK, Al, now what?
Al: OK, hit the foot brake. Lock the beam in place. Right now. OK. Now, get out of the cab. Tim's getting out of the cab, and I'm going to move the beam right into place. As you go out, be careful. Don't hit the brake release with your foot.
Tim: OK. But this is the lever that would swing the beam?
Al: Yes, it is, but, Tim... [Al is knocked off the side of cabin] Tim!
Tim: Al, are you all right?
Al: Marv, look out! Tim, your foot! Don't hit the brake release!
Tim: What?
[Tim's foot knocks the brake release, dropping the beam down onto Jill's station wagon]

Tim: Do you think she saw Tool Time today?
Randy: No, I don't think so.
Tim: Great.
Brad: But we did.
Randy: Hey, don't worry, Dad. Mom's always wanted a compact car.

Jill: Have you seen my abnormal psychology book? I need it for my test. I can't find it anywhere.
Brad: Huh. Don't try telling the teacher that. Believe me, it never works.

Tim: You want sorrow? I'll give it to you. Jill's car had an unfortunate accident.
Wilson: Really? What happened?
Tim: Let's just say it involves a three-ton beam, a crane, and me.
Wilson: Say no more, Tim.

Tim: It started with such a simple idea. I just wanted to fix this little scratch in her car. Bada-boom, bing, things dropping. Now she's in there calling me... She says I'm obsessive.
Wilson: Well, were you obsessive?
Tim: She doesn't know what it takes to make a great finish on a car. That's all it is, you know. There's two or three coats of acrylic lacquer. Followed by a color sanding between each coat. You got to put two coats of base clear on there. 17 hours of me sanding that thing. It's got to air-dry for a couple of weeks. You pound it down with wax bring out the shine, you buff it out. Baby, you can see yourself in that thing.
Wilson: Tim, do you know what "obsessive" means?
Tim: I just wanted her paint to be perfect, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Wilson: Well, what's wrong is Jill's inside, not talking to you, and you're out here talking to me.
Tim: [grunts] Yeah, that is a little problem, yes.

Jill: Oh, hi. Did you take my car to the body shop?
Tim: Yes, I did.
Jill: Well, how does it look?
Tim: Well, I'll tell you what, can't even notice the scratch.
Jill: Good. I'll be glad to have it home again.
Tim: Uh, it's gonna take a little longer than I thought.
Jill: Oh, no. You're not gonna have 'em do a bunch of other stuff to it, are you?
Tim: No. We're just fixing what's wrong with it. When you get it back, it'll be like a whole new car.
Jill: Oh, I didn't get to see your location Tool Time, though. How'd it go?
Tim: Great. Tremendous.
Randy: Smashing.

Eddie: Oh, hi. Can I help you?
Jill: Oh, yeah. I'm Jill Taylor. My husband brought my station wagon here. I need to get a book out of it.
Eddie: Oh, yes. We'll be putting in a lot of overtime on your job.
Jill: Overtime? For that little thing?
Eddie: Boy, I'd like to know what you'd consider a big thing.
Jill: Oh, please. I've done way more damage than that.
Eddie: [smiles] Really? Let me give you one of my cards. And please, you feel free to call me anytime.

Tim: [on the phone] Lenny, I've got the insurance policy right in front of me. No, I'm sure there's gotta be a clause here covering beam droppage or something. Go back to that section... What is it? 29... 29B. Yeah, all right. The soup-up clause. The part that covers me for personal injury due to personal negligence. Keep looking. Dropping a beam on a car's gotta be in there. And if by some chance it's not, you should put it in, 'cause you never know when something like that could happen. Ah. You saw the show.

Tim: Today, Al and I are talking about cranes.
Al: A subject near and dear to my heart.
Tim: Al here is kind of a crane nut.
Al: Yes, Tim, I am. As a matter of fact, after my stint in the navy, I spent a year as a crane operator. I've lifted some mighty heavy loads in my day.
Tim: You make this so easy.
Al: Even before that, as a youngster, I used to build model cranes. And I ended up with quite an eclectic collection. Marv, you wanna come in and get a closer look at all this? Now, I have to say I'm especially proud of my first crane. I spent the better part of sixth grade crafting it. It's made entirely out of Popsicle sticks.