Lorelai: I know, why don't you blow up some more balloons or hang some streamers?
Sookie: I would love to, but it seems like the baby really wants me to just keep sitting here and reading in touch.
Lorelai: You know that excuse expires the minute you pop that baby out.
Sookie: Yep, but I've got 128 lazy days left.

Lorelai: Have you seen the phone?
Sookie: See, the thing is, when I sat down, I realized it was behind me, kind of right on my lower back, and normally I would have, you know, pulled it out, but it's really kind of hitting just the right spot where I've had a knot for like a week. Did I mention I was pregnant?

Kirk: It's my first baby shower. I've been so caught up with the wardrobe question. Just to clarify, people don't actually dress like babies, do they?

Lane: Well, last night, my mom was over. And Zach had cut out an ad for the seafood festival Red Lobster. He was trying to figure out, if we went there after we had the babies, could we get the endless shrimp but at the kids' price?
Lorelai: No, you can only get the kids price when accompanied by an adult paying full price.
Lane: That blows.
Lorelai: I know. Then what happened?
Lane: So then my mom sticks her nosy head in and said, "The children are not gonna be eating fried shrimp. And I said, "Not only are my children gonna be eating fried shrimp, they're gonna listen to whatever music they want and go to school dances, and they're not gonna spend their whole lives in church hearing about how doing all that makes them evil. In fact, they'll probably never set foot in a church at all. My kids are gonna have total freedom. End of story."

Lorelai: [answers phone] Hello?
Rory: How bald do you have to be to be bald?
Lorelai: Is this a zen call? You know I hate those.
Rory: Does it mean completely bald, or does it count if there's no hair on top but a little on the sides?
Lorelai: Well, in my experience, if a man describes himself as bald, there is nary a hair.
Rory: Nice use of "nary."
Lorelai: I'm trying to get you in the New York Times mood, use some fancy language.
Rory: Well, I will remember that if I can ever find the guy. Who knew New York was the bald-guy capital of the world?
Lorelai: I think that's on their license plate.
Rory: I'm telling you, they're everywhere, and since I don't know which one A.J. is, every time one walks in the door, I just smile at him.
Lorelai: And let me guess, they're all smiling back.
Rory: What's wrong with me? What kind of reporter am I going to be if all I got was "bald guy"?

Rory: [on the phone] I don't even know if I should be sitting down already, but I walked in, it was really crowded, and this woman left her table, so I grabbed it, and now I'm scared to get up because maybe I'll lose it.
Lorelai: Keep the table, skip the coffee.
Rory: Really?
Lorelai: Yeah. And when he gets there, go decaf.
Rory: Yeah, I know I'm a little nervous, but it's only because doing well at this meeting could mean the difference between interviewing world leaders and standing on street corners with pictures of celebrities in matching outfits asking passersby who wore it best.
Lorelai: Pretty high stakes.
Rory: I know. Distract me.

Kirk: Word on the street is you want to sell your boat.
Luke: I called you, Kirk.
Kirk: Yeah, but I was on the street when I got that call. And to be honest with you, I was a little surprised to hear about this turn of events.
Luke: It's not a turn of events, Kirk. I just want to sell my boat.
Kirk: But you've always been really attached to this boat. Hell, I thought you'd take it to your grave with you, maybe row yourself across the river Styx.
Luke: Yeah, well, turns out I'm not using it. You interested?
Kirk: It does suit me. And it'd be great for water-skiing. Lulu loves water-skiing. She also loves carriage rides. You're not selling a carriage, are you?

Kirk: How much we talking?
Luke: $600.
Kirk: I was thinking more around $300.
Luke: Price isn't negotiable.
Kirk: Okay, $400.
Luke: Non-negotiable. $600 price includes everything, Kirk, even the trailer.
Kirk: $590.
Luke: $600, Kirk.
Kirk: $595, and you throw in a life preserver and a captain's hat.
Luke: $600, you buy your own captain's hat.
Kirk: But you'll throw in a life preserver?
Luke: Deal. Just have it out of here A.S.A.P.
Kirk: Sucker.

Lorelai: Patty, how are you doing?
Miss Patty: Adorable. There is nothing cuter than a baby in a onesie. Except, of course, Anthony Quinn in a onesie.
Lorelai: I'll take your word for it.

Lane: Hey, this is fun. Don't they push a bed through the streets in the opening credits of The Monkees?
Zach: I'm pretty sure it was a bathtub.
Lorelai: Oh, actually it was both. Davy's in the bed. Peter's in the bathtub.
Zach: Are you sure? 'Cause I could have sworn-
Rory: Zach, you don't want to go head-to-head with her about Monkees trivia.
Lorelai: You did not come to a full stop! And use your blinkers!