Lorelai: I thought you were going to spend the evening trying to figure out how to fling yourself down the stairs just hard enough that you won't have to go to my parents' thing tomorrow, but not so hard that you actually die.
Luke: No, I thought instead that I'd try to find a wild boar to maul me just enough that I'll need medical attention so I won't be able to go to your parents' thing tomorrow, but after some stitches and a transfusion, I'll still be able to make you coffee.
Lorelai: Oh, much better plan.

Richard: On behalf of myself and my second wife, Emily, I would like to thank you all for coming here to help us celebrate. You are good friends, and we are very, very lucky. Now, in planning our traditional first dance, I gave a lot of thought to the song that would represent the next phase in our marriage. The best phase in our marriage, I believe. I went over all the greats: Bennett, Sinatra, Chuck Berry, and a story popped into my head. Now, most of you know my daughter, Lorelai. When Lorelai was three, she went through a period of having chronic ear infections. It was terrible. Screaming all night long. We couldn't keep a nanny longer than a week.
Lorelai: Yeah, that was the terrible part. The searing pain was just a side note.
Richard: And so, it fell to Emily to sit with her all night long. She tried everything to calm her down. Finally, she found a song that seemed to soothe her. It was a popular song on the radio and it soon became Emily's favorite. Of course, it drove me crazy. Some woman complaining about how she wanted to marry a man named Bill. Not exactly Cole Porter. Emily would tease me, saying, "If only your name was Bill, then this could be our song." Well, Emily, for tonight, and tonight only, my name is Bill, and this is our song. Hit the button, Johnny. Your hand, madam.
Emily: I cannot believe you remembered this song.

Luke: What are you babbling about?
Lorelai: I want these boots.
Luke: Those are work boots.
Lorelai: They're yellow and cute. I'll look like the Morton's Salt girl.
Luke: How the hell did you find something to buy in my boat supply catalog?
Lorelai: Size nine, please?

Lorelai: Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Rory's spending the night. We're having a Cop Rock marathon.

Lorelai: Okay, I know I'm the one that said I was craving mashed potatoes, but, oh my God, they're a lot of work.
Rory: It's instant mashed potatoes. Key word: instant.
Lorelai: Oh, no, not instant. I have to mix water and butter into it, not to mention the adding of salt and pepper.
Rory: Okay, the best of Super Furry Animals is complete.
Lorelai: Plus, I have to rip the package open, dump it into a bowl and- Oh my God, are they serious? I have to stir the mixture to combine? What is this, the Gulag?
Rory: Hey, do you want the Arcade Fire?
Lorelai: I don't know, do I?
Rory: Yes.
Lorelai: Then yes. So, basically, once I'm finished with all this manual labor, I still have to clean the bowl.

Lorelai: Oh, you're not disturbing us.
Luke: Well, I'm dirty.
Lorelai: Well, so's the house.
Luke: And if I come in there, I'll see what you guys are planning on eating and I'll want to kill myself.
Lorelai: It just so happens I am making a garden spring salad with three bitter lettuces and a breaded French country chicken.
Luke: Really, you are?
Lorelai: No.

Luke: I'll let you get back to taking five years off your life.
Lorelai: Meh. They were the five where I would've been wearing fuschia lipstick way beyond my lip line, so I wouldn't want 'em anyhow.

Luke: Hi, Emily. I just- I didn't see you standing there. I'm just working on my boat.
Emily: You're building a boat?
Luke: Yes.
Emily: Does it float?
Luke: Not yet.
Emily: Aren't boats supposed to?
Luke: Eventually, yes.
Emily: Well, at least you have a hobby.
Luke: Yes. Thank God for that, huh?
Emily: Idle hands, and whatnot.
Luke: It will float eventually.
Emily: Oh, I'm sure it will.

Lorelai: Stop her from getting a drink.
Rory: How?
Lorelai: Show her Nick Nolte's mug shot.

Richard: [on the phone] Now, I want you to have a wonderful time, and go as crazy as you think is necessary. But make sure your mother doesn't mix her alcohol. Sometimes when she has a little bit too much vodka, she forgets and she goes on to gin. I need her sober and looking beautiful for tomorrow.
Man: [in the background] Otherwise you don't have to go through with it.
Lorelai: So, Dad, Mom told you we were having a party?
Richard: Well, she told me she was heading over to your house this evening to spend a little time with "the girls", so I put it all together. I'm a very brilliant man, Lorelai. Anyhow, I won't keep you any longer. Just return your mother in one piece, sans tattoos, please.
Lorelai: Okay. Will do.
Richard: Have a scandalous time. I'll see you girls tomorrow.