Lorelai: I thought you were going to spend the evening trying to figure out how to fling yourself down the stairs just hard enough that you won't have to go to my parents' thing tomorrow, but not so hard that you actually die.
Luke: No, I thought instead that I'd try to find a wild boar to maul me just enough that I'll need medical attention so I won't be able to go to your parents' thing tomorrow, but after some stitches and a transfusion, I'll still be able to make you coffee.
Lorelai: Oh, much better plan.

Richard: On behalf of myself and my second wife, Emily, I would like to thank you all for coming here to help us celebrate. You are good friends, and we are very, very lucky. Now, in planning our traditional first dance, I gave a lot of thought to the song that would represent the next phase in our marriage. The best phase in our marriage, I believe. I went over all the greats: Bennett, Sinatra, Chuck Berry, and a story popped into my head. Now, most of you know my daughter, Lorelai. When Lorelai was three, she went through a period of having chronic ear infections. It was terrible. Screaming all night long. We couldn't keep a nanny longer than a week.
Lorelai: Yeah, that was the terrible part. The searing pain was just a side note.
Richard: And so, it fell to Emily to sit with her all night long. She tried everything to calm her down. Finally, she found a song that seemed to soothe her. It was a popular song on the radio and it soon became Emily's favorite. Of course, it drove me crazy. Some woman complaining about how she wanted to marry a man named Bill. Not exactly Cole Porter. Emily would tease me, saying, "If only your name was Bill, then this could be our song." Well, Emily, for tonight, and tonight only, my name is Bill, and this is our song. Hit the button, Johnny. Your hand, madam.
Emily: I cannot believe you remembered this song.

Luke: What are you babbling about?
Lorelai: I want these boots.
Luke: Those are work boots.
Lorelai: They're yellow and cute. I'll look like the Morton's Salt girl.
Luke: How the hell did you find something to buy in my boat supply catalog?
Lorelai: Size nine, please?