Lorelai: Weird.
Rory: So weird.
Lorelai: It's a child, right?
Rory: Pretty sure.
Lorelai: Maybe Mom has run out of adults who will work for her.

Emily: Now, tonight we'll be dining with service a la russe, which has nothing to do with Russians - thank god - because in my experience, their table manners are nothing to emulate. All it means is that the servers will be passing each course in turn instead of plopping all the food on the table at once, like some mukluk picnic.

Lorelai: Oh, don't get too excited. Cotillions are not fun parties. They're boring rituals to train a whole new generation of snobs.
Emily: And how exactly would you know? Lorelai never actually attended a cotillion.
Lorelai: You don't have to jump off the Empire State Building to know it's gonna hurt.

Richard: Lorelai, how's summer with you? Anything new?
Lorelai: Um... we planted some pansies at the Dragonfly, in the back there. They look good. And, um, I finally bought a new DVD player. And Luke and I broke up.
Emily: Did you? That's too bad.
Richard: Hmm.
Emily: Now, Charlotte, when the conversation lags, a good guest ought to be prepared to introduce a new topic. Keep it light: no politics, no religion. My little trick? Just think of things that you've read in the middle three sections of the Sunday New York Times. Travel, arts and leisure, Sunday styles. And forget the rest of the paper exists.

Lorelai: We can talk about the breakup. I'm sure you have thoughts on the subject, and why don't we get it all out in the open now so we can move on with our lives?
Emily: I've moved on. Richard, anything you'd like to add?
Richard: I can't think of a thing.
Emily: All right, then. Isn't it interesting how they're renovating so many of the old paradores in Spain?
Richard: It's funny you should mention that because last week at the club, Chick Walsh told me that he and Mary stayed at this extraordinary old castle near Madrid. Where was it? Um, uh, Lerma.
Emily: Lerma? How nice.
Lorelai: Excuse me. Uh, what's going on? Why are we talking about Lerma?
Emily: It's a town in Spain.
Lorelai: Yes, I understand geography, but why are you avoiding the subject of my breakup?

Lorelai: Hey, how was last night's conversation?
Rory: Eh.
Lorelai: Eh-eh?
Rory: It's just these transatlantic phone calls. I don't know if it's the "trans" or the "atlantic" or the fact that it's but Helen Keller and Stephen Hawking could have a more connected conversation.
Lorelai: Helen Keller's dead.
Rory: Yeah, well, even dead, she could do better. It's just so awkward and pausy. And I feel like the more I try to connect, the more disconnected I feel. And I just feel like I'm working so hard, but maybe I shouldn't be having to work so hard. And then I feel self-conscious, but I shouldn't feel self-conscious, so then I feel self-conscious about that. I don't know, maybe it's just the salt in the ocean. It corrodes conversations or something.
Lorelai: Yeah. It sounds like the salt.

Miss Patty: It's the ceilings. They're vaulted now, aren't they?
Luke: The ceilings aren't vaulted.
Babette: I got it, it's the curly fries. You never used to have curly fries here before, did you, Luke?
Luke: Always had curly fries.
Babette: I'm telling you, something's different about the place.
Luke: Nothing. Nothing has changed. It's exactly the same.
Miss Patty: He must have done something to the windows 'cause the light is much better now.
Babette: Yeah, it's a lot less gloomy than it used to be.
Luke: An identical level of gloom, people.
Babette: I got it. You got new chairs. I knew my butt felt more comfortable.
Luke: Yeah, your butt feels exactly the same, Babette. Now, would you two can it? I didn't change a damn thing.

Sookie: Wow. Somebody's all fancy-pants. I've never seen your hair up like that.
Lorelai: I'm just trying out a new look, seeing if I like it, serving no master but myself.
Sookie: Are you gonna try pigtails, too? Because that's kind of my thing.
Lorelai: It's freeing, really. I never realized how my mother influenced my every decision, even decisions that don't seem like decisions, like tying my shoes. I mean, I've always been a fan of the bunny ears, you know? And this morning I decided not to bunny-ear, and you know what happened?
Sookie: No.
Lorelai: Turns out bunny ears take a lot longer than the regular way. I saved like three seconds this morning.

Paris: That's it! Pencils down. That means you, Casanova. Time is up! Everyone out. Unless your parents want to start paying for overtime, which for many of you might be a good idea. Not so fast, employees. Today's work was shoddy at best. Between the overt coddling and the inappropriate flirting, I feel like I'm running a bordello. Gilmore, do you see any of my students falling in love with me?
Rory: No.
Paris: And you know why? Because you don't fall in love with people that make you want to crap your pants. I want to see terror in their eyes! Fear is a great motivator, people. Use it. What are you standing around here for? Go! Dismissed.

Paris: How's the sex?
Rory: Um, well, seeing as he's in London and I'm here, the sex is pretty much nonexistent.
Paris: You've got a phone. Use it.
Rory: What? You mean... I can't do that. I talk to my mother on that phone.
Paris: Okay, what about texting?
Rory: No. No, thank you.
Paris: Why not? You say stuff when you're together, don't you?
Rory: Yeah, I guess. Sometimes.
Paris: So, text it. Texting is great. And you can do it while you're doing other things. Doyle and I are doing it right now.
Rory: What? Oh, my God!
Paris: Don't worry. This is advanced. Right now, all you're looking to do is create some intimacy. Stick to the basics.