Lorelai: I'm sorry, but after you almost get killed on a plane and on the freeway, why would you choose to go on a crazy, terrifying roller coaster?
Rory: Oh, boy.
Lorelai: I mean, at that point, just stay home, right?
Rory: Because it's a horror movie.
Lorelai: Yes, but it doesn't make sense.
Rory: It's not supposed to make sense. It's supposed to make you sick.
Lorelai: Fine. Whatever.
Lorelai: I'm heading over to the inn. Do you wanna come over and hang?
Rory: No. I gotta run some errands. I'll meet you there later.
Lorelai: All right, but watch out that a streetlight doesn't accidentally break off, swing down and decapitate you.
Rory: Will do.
Lorelai: I mean why even bother calling it Final Destination 3? At that point, just call it Now You're Really, Really, Really Dead.
Rory: Hello, Hollywood? Boy, have I got a pitch for you.

Paris: This is gonna be great. You and me in a freshly painted apartment. No men. Just lots and lots of Chinese food.
Rory: We are going to get huge.
Paris: That's okay. We'll get a treadmill.
Rory: Yeah. You always wanted a treadmill.
Paris: I did. Doyle thought, why get a treadmill when you can walk outside?
Rory: With all the murderers and rapists.
Paris: Exactly what I would say.

Logan: Rory, I just need 60 seconds.
Rory: Go away, Logan.
Paris: No one invited you in. Get out right now before I go Bonaduce on your ass.

Doyle: We're supposed to be together, Paris. You know it, I know it, and your life coach knows it.
Paris: Terence has been wrong before. When I wanted to get the pageboy haircut? Remember?

Luke: You were screaming?
Lorelai: Yes, like Janet Leigh in Psycho.
Luke: I was on the phone. Why were you screaming?
Lorelai: There was a spider in the shower. I trapped him under a soap dish. I need you to go in and get him and take him outside.
Luke: Right.
Lorelai: Scoop him up gently. You do not want to break one of his little legs. Spiders are all about their legs. [sighs] I was shampooing, everything was fine, I looked up and there he was.
Luke: Holy mackerel.
Lorelai: Yeah, he's a big boy. Don't hurt him.
Luke: I won't.
Lorelai: I was talking to the spider.

Lorelai: Hey, when you come over later tonight, I have a cricket cornered under a paper cup in the living room. I poked holes in the top so he could breathe, and then I taped it to the floor, 'cause he kept jumping out. And I put books on top of the tape in case it wasn't sticky enough. So don't move the books until you're ready for transport.

Lorelai: What are you doing?
Luke: I'm sewing my duffel bag.
Lorelai: That's crazy.
Luke: That's crazy?
Lorelai: Yeah. That thing's like 100 years old. Just throw it away.
Luke: The bag is fine.
Lorelai: That is not a bag. That is a collection of molecules tethered together by dirt.

Emily: [on the phone] Lorelai, it's your mother. I'm calling you from the car.
Lorelai: Yeah, well, you're not calling to me from a car, so stop yelling.
Emily: But you're on speakerphone.
Lorelai: I stand by my earlier position.
Emily: Fine. How far is it from Preston to New London?
Lorelai: What's going on? Where are you?
Emily: In Preston, apparently, though we're supposed to be at an estate sale in New London.
Richard: This bag of bolts.
Emily: And this GPS contraption your father insisted on buying is speaking German.

Emily: Richard, what are you doing? Why are you stopping?
Richard: Because this contraption, as you call it, can only be used when the car is stopped.
Emily: So every time we want to ask the machine for directions, we have to pull over to the side of the road?
Richard: It would appear so.
Emily: I thought the whole point of installing the machine was to avoid pulling over to the side of the road to ask directions.
[elsewhere, listening on the phone:]
Lorelai: If I told people, they wouldn't believe it.
Rory: What's going on?
Lorelai: Apparently, there's a fight to the death between Richard and Emily and an evil German supercomputer.
Rory: Oh, I wanna hear.
[back:]
Emily: I thought we paid $4,000 for a computer to give us directions, not to baby-sit us and make decisions for us about how to live our lives. I mean, what's next? The radio won't turn on if it doesn't like the song? The engine won't start if the cup of coffee I'm holding is too hot? Maybe the car won't go in reverse if it doesn't like the smell of my perfume.
Richard: At the moment, Emily, I would be happy if I could just get the damn thing to stop barking at me in German.

Rory: Are you sure this whole thing isn't just an elaborate scheme to get me to help you clean your house?
Lorelai: Just throw away or hide anything that might be incriminating.
Rory: Incriminating?
Lorelai: Yes. Anything that can, could or might lead to a conversation about anything.
Rory: How about this?
Lorelai: Are you kidding me? A freckled, half-naked Lindsay Lohan on the cover of Vanity Fair? Uh, skin cancer, drug abuse, anorexia, bra shopping. Just dump it.