Lorelai: What are you doing, Kirk?
Kirk: Did you just eat a 3 Musketeers?
Lorelai: No.
Kirk: You're sure? You really smell like nougat.
Luke: Stop sniffing my fiancee.
Kirk: I can't help it. My senses are much more finely tuned these days.
Lorelai: What is the scary man talking about?
Luke: He's on a juice fast.
Lorelai: Why?
Kirk: Just wanted to clean out the pipes, refocus the arteries. I want to get the healthy glow of someone who consistently goes to the gym. Without having to go to the gym, of course.

Lorelai: I used to play board games with Rory a lot. She'd get very upset when I'd cheat. So cute.

Rory: I just wanted to give you some notes on your campus safety piece.
Paris: Fine.
Rory: Um, well, I think it's good. It's really good, actually, um, but the lede's a little flabby. Getting into an example might give it more punch up top.
Paris: If you say so. Anything else?
Rory: Uh, some of the quotes read too long. I'd cut two or three and trim-
Rory: Paris, what are you doing?
Paris: I don't know. What am I doing?
Rory: You're not making eye contact with me.
Paris: I'm looking right at you.
Rory: No, you're not.
Paris: Want to test me? Brown hair, blue eyes.

Logan: I see you went with Faye Dunaway in Network.
Rory: And Maureen Dowd "come hither" pumps for good measure.

Lorelai: I managed to find Uno and checkers and also parts of Battleship and most of the pieces of Candy Land, which I figure we can mix together to create a fabulous new game, Candy Ship Battle Land. War never tasted so good.

Lorelai: Oh, Full House. You know, I think the Olsen twins weigh less now than they did on that show. Right. I get it. I don't like it when people talk to me when I'm watching TV, either.

Kirk: What?
Lane: You're disgusting, and you're cheating on your juice diet.
Kirk: I didn't cheat. I expanded the definition of "juice." I feel dirty.

Paris: Men suck.
Rory: They do suck.
Paris: Can't count on them. They never have your back.
Rory: No, they don't.
Paris: They make you love them, and then they let you down, and you're walking around with a stomachache for the next six months.
Rory: Is that how long it lasts?
Paris: I don't know. I hope it's only six months.

Rory: Simplify your prose. You'll still get your point across, and I won't have to publish a newspaper the size of a David Foster Wallace novel.

Christopher: We were actually more towards the middle, but then two people - I'm pretty sure it was Brigitte Nielsen and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar - sat right in front of me.
Lorelai: Brigitte and Kareem showed up, huh? I swear, any place with free cheese and crackers, they are there.