Lorelai: Something else?
Dean: I just- I wanted to say that things got all messed up.
Lorelai: Yes, they did.
Dean: And I'm sorry.
Lorelai: Uh-huh.
Dean: But nothing happened.
Lorelai: Okay, I have to go.
Dean: We sat down, and we were reading this book and then we fell asleep.
Lorelai: Pick a more interesting book next time.
Dean: So am I, like, public enemy number one with you?
Lorelai: Number one? I don't know. Would you settle for top five? Because I'm still a little hot for that crazy bomber guy who's been living in a cave for a year.

Dean: Please, just tell me where I stand.
Lorelai: I don't know where you stand, okay? All I know is my 16-year-old didn't come home one night and you had something to do with that.
Dean: I told you, nothing happened.
Lorelai: ...happened. I heard.
Dean: Look, you can hate me, but you have to believe me. I wouldn't let anything happen to her.
Lorelai: You happened to her.
Dean: I won't hurt her.
Lorelai: You know, I was 16 when I had Rory.
Dean: I know.
Lorelai: That is the same age she is now.
Dean: I know.
Lorelai: She wants to go to Harvard.
Dean: She will go to Harvard, and if she doesn't, it won't be because of me.

Lorelai: I don't hate you.
Dean: No?
Lorelai: No. Though I did imagine 20 ways to remove your head from your body.
Dean: Yeah? Well, which one looked the best?
Lorelai: Hedge clippers. Dull ones.
Dean: Well, sure, you wouldn't want it to go quick.
Lorelai: Exactly.
Dean: Okay, I'm gonna go.
Lorelai: Dean?
Dean: Yeah?
Lorelai: You know, we have a really nice front door. You might wanna use it sometimes.

Lorelai: I did not prevent her to see the bag boy.
Luke: Are you crazy?
Lorelai: Well, he looks like he's moving up to produce, so he's become quite a catch.
Luke: That kid is trouble.
Lorelai: Can I order?
Luke: First time I looked at him, I thought he was trouble.
Lorelai: Excuse me. I'm the one who told you I thought he was trouble and you told me you thought I was crazy.
Luke: You are crazy, and he is trouble.
Lorelai: He is not trouble. He's 6'2', he's beautiful and he's in love with my daughter.
Luke: Trouble.
Lorelai: Big time.
Luke: I'll get you a burger.

Lorelai: What did you do?
Luke: You wanted something festive.
Lorelai: You made me a Santa burger.
Luke: It's no big deal.
Lorelai: He has a hat and everything.
Luke: Yeah, I just cut a piece of Wonder Bread, you know, poured on some ketchup, piped on some cream cheese.
Lorelai: No one ever made me something quite this disgusting before. I thank you.
Luke: You're welcome.

Luke: You've checked it five times. I've listened to it twice. It's not changing.
Lorelai: "Grandpa's in the hospital. Please come." No details, no info. Who taught her to leave a message like that?
Luke: I'm sure she was in a hurry.
Lorelai: A person need details. Why is he in the hospital? How bad is it? What are the circumstances involving him being in the hospital? These are simple questions.
Luke: Okay, we'll be there very soon, and you'll know everything.
Lorelai: What if he's dead?
Luke: He's not dead.
Lorelai: How do you know?
Luke: I know.
Lorelai: Oh, you're psychic now? You're suddenly getting visions while you drive at 20 miles an hour in the oldest truck known to man?

Nurse: Ms. Gilmore, I need you to-
Emily: It's not Ms. Gilmore, it's Mrs. Gilmore. Mrs. Gilmore. I am not a Cosmo woman.
Nurse: I know this is difficult, but if you don't fill out these forms...
Emily: What? What? You'll do what? I'd like to hear in your most condescending tone what my punishment will be for not filling out these forms in a timely manner. Are there bamboo shoots involved? Some sort of dark, deep hole in the ground? Rats nibbling at my toes?

Rory: It was horrible. It happened so fast.
Lorelai: He'll come out of the testing room any minute, so hang in there.
Rory: Where's Grandma?
Lorelai: Kicking some patient out of the room with the good view.
Rory: Really?
Lorelai: I hope they get him unhooked fast. Otherwise he's going without the life-support machine.

Rory: How long before they bring him back?
Lorelai: Very soon.
Rory: I'd like to do something.
Lorelai: Like rollerblade?
Rory: Like get some coffee or make phone calls or do something that isn't standing here waiting.
Lorelai: Okay. Well, as partial as I am to the phone, I'm voting for the get coffee idea.

Lorelai: [sighs] Oh, man.
Luke: You were very brave for her.
Lorelai: Oh, yeah, well, it's my turn. This sucks.
Luke: Come on, you gotta think positive here. Bright side, good thoughts. Rainbows, unicorns. Clowns. Little, cute furry... Okay, I'm out.
Lorelai: Thank God.