‘The One with the Tea Leaves’
Season 8, Episode 17 - Aired March 7, 2002
After Phoebe's tea leaves tell her that she will soon meet the man of her dreams, she ends up on a disastrous date with a man she kept running into. Fed up of the awkwardness between her and Joey, Rachel invents a ridiculous work problem to talk to him about. Elsewhere, Ross tries to retrieve a "faded salmon" shirt he left at Mona's.
Quote from Phoebe
Monica: That's not your regular dry cleaners.
Phoebe: I know. But that creep I went on that date with goes there, so I had to find a new one. I also have to find a video store, a new bank, a new adult bookstore, a new grocery store-
Monica: What?
Phoebe: A new grocery store.
Quote from Joey
Mr. Zelner: May I help you?
Joey: You think you can just buy my friend's baby?
Quote from Rachel
Joey: So? What happened?
Rachel: It's all gonna be okay. They're just so happy I'm not suing them, that they gave me one extra month paid maternity leave. So long as I understand that the money should not be construed as a down payment on this or any other child that I may bear.
Chandler: Wow. Ralph Lauren is really going out of their way to show they're not in the baby-buying business.
Quote from Rachel
Monica: Joey, you have to talk to her.
Joey: No, I can't. I can't. Not after the other night. It's just too weird. Don't tell her I'm here. Don't eat that.
Rachel: Hey.
Monica: Hey, Rachel.
Rachel: Is Joey here?
Chandler: I don't see him. Do you see him?
Monica: I don't see him. Hey, maybe he's in the sugar bowl. Joey? Nope.
Rachel: Well, at least you make each other laugh.
Quote from Chandler
Monica: Honey, you've gotta talk to her.
Joey: I can't. Look, you guys don't know what it's like to put yourself out there like that and then just get shot down.
Chandler: I don't know what that's like? Until I was 25, I thought the only response to "I love you" was "Oh, crap."
Quote from Monica
Monica: And, hello? No rejection? I got shot down at fat camp. Boy, kids are mean when they're hungry.
Quote from Phoebe
Monica: I'm done. Read mine.
Phoebe: Okay. I see a ladder. Which can mean either a promotion or a violent death.
Monica: I'm the head chef. I can't get promoted.
Phoebe: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Who's next?
Quote from Monica
Rachel: Hi.
Joey: Hey.
Rachel: Hi.
Joey: Hi.
Monica: Tea gives Phoebe the trots!
Quote from Chandler
Monica: Honey, the Miami Vice soundtrack? Really?
Chandler: They were just giving those away at the store. In exchange for money.
Quote from Monica
Chandler: Oh, my God, honey, we are so meant to be together. Look, we both have copies of the Annie soundtrack.
Monica: Honey, both yours.