Monica: Do you always have to bring him here?
Ross: Look, I didn't wanna leave him alone. We had our first fight this morning. I think it has to do with my working late. I said some things that I didn't mean. And he threw some feces.

David: But you can't actually test this theory. Today's particle accelerators aren't powerful enough to simulate these conditions.
Phoebe: Okay, I have a question then.
David: Yeah?
Phoebe: Were you planning on kissing me ever?
David: That's definitely a valid question, and the answer would be yes. Yes, I was. But I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss at a phenomenal moment because it's you.
Phoebe: Sure.
David: Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more phenomenal the kiss had to be. And now, it's just gotta be one of those things where l just, like, sweep everything off the table and throw you down on it. And I'm not really a sweeping sort of fella.
Phoebe: David, I think you are a sweeping sort of fella. I mean, you're a sweeper trapped inside a physicist's body.

David: Okay. You know what? This is really expensive. And this was a gift.
Phoebe: Now you're really just tidying up.

Ross: Now, tell me something, what does the phrase "no-date pact" mean to you?
Monica: Well, I'm sorry, okay. It's just that Chandler has somebody and Phoebe has somebody.
I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby.
Chandler: Fun Bobby, your ex-boyfriend, Fun Bobby?
Monica: Yeah.
Joey: You know more than one Fun Bobby?
Chandler: I happen to know a Fun Bob.

Ross: So on our no-date evening, three of you now have dates.
Joey: Uh, four.
Rachel: Five. Sorry. Paolo's catching an earlier flight.
Joey: Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the store. What's an elf to do?

Monica: Oh, my gosh! Rachel, honey, are you okay? Where's Paolo?
Rachel: Rome. Jerk missed his flight.
Phoebe: And then your face exploded?
Rachel: No. Okay. I was at the airport getting into a cab when this woman, this blond planet with a pocketbook starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her cab first. The next thing I know, she just starts pulling me out by my hair! And I was blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up. So as I'm going to get into a cab, she tackles me! And I hit my head on the curb and cut my lip on my whistle. Oh. Everybody having fun at the party? Are people eating my dip?

Phoebe: Hi, Max.
Max: Yoko.

Joey: Chandler, you seen Sandy?
Chandler: Oh, I don't know how to tell you this but she's in the bedroom getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Oh, look at that, I did know how to tell you.

Rachel: I think that bitch cracked my tooth.

Phoebe: All right! You guys, it's starting to snow. And look, Ugly Naked Guy is hanging candy canes.
Rachel: Where? Oh. Well. That's festive.