Chandler: Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on his ass.

Chandler: If you're working late, I can look in on him.
Ross: That would be great! But make sure it seems like you're there to see him. You're not doing it for me.
Chandler: Okay. But if he asks, I'm not going to lie.

Phoebe: You can't stay here just for me.
David: Actually, I can. Because if I go, I have to break up with you. And I can't break up with you.
Phoebe: Yes, you can. Just say, "Phoebe, I love you, but my work is my life. That's what I have to do." And I say, "Your work? How can you say that?" Then you say, "It's tearing me apart but I have no choice.Can't you understand that? " And I say, "No! No! I can't understand that!"-
David: Ow.
Phoebe: Oh, sorry. And then you put your arms around me. Then you put your arms around me.
David: Oh, sorry.
Phoebe: And then you tell me that you love me and you'll never forget me.
David: I'll never forget you.
Phoebe: Then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the year with me if you can't finish it. I'm gonna miss you, you scientist guy.

Phoebe: I just wanna be with him all the time. You know, day and night. And night and day. And special occasions.
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute. I see where this is going. You're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you? You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact.
Phoebe: No! No, no. No. Yeah, could I just?
Chandler: Yeah. 'cause I already asked Janice.
Monica: What?
Ross: Come on, this was a pact! This was your pact!
Chandler: I snapped, okay. I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped!
Monica: But Janice? That was like the worst breakup in history!
Chandler: I'm not saying it was a good idea. I'm just saying I snapped.

Monica: Is he gonna live with you in your apartment?
Ross: Yeah. It's been kind of quiet since Carol left.
Monica: Why don't you just get a roommate?
Ross: I don't know. You reach a certain age, having a roommate is just kind of pathet- Sorry, that's "pathet", which is Sanskrit for "really cool way to live."

Rachel: Hey, do you guys know what you're going to be doing for New Year's? Hey, what? What is wrong with New Year's?
Chandler: Well, nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressure of this holiday. The desperate pressure to find anything with lips just so you can have somebody to kiss when the ball drops! Man, I'm talking loud!

Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo's gonna be in Rome this New Year's. So I'll be just as pathetic as you guys.
Phoebe: Yeah, you wish.

Chandler: It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday.

Rachel: Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I mean by my sixth date with Paolo, he'd already named both my breasts. Ooh, did I just share too much?
Ross: Just a smidge.

[Joey arrives in his elf costume]
Chandler: Too many jokes. Must mock Joey.
Joey: Nice shoes, huh? [his elf shoes jingle]
Chandler: God, you're killing me!