‘The One with the Lesbian Wedding’
Season 2, Episode 11 - Aired January 12, 1996
When Carol and Susan decide to get married, Monica is given the job of catering the ceremony. Meanwhile, Phoebe is inhabited by spirit of an 82-year-old client who died on the massage table, and Rachel's mother comes to town with a surprising announcement.
Quote from Ross
Ross: Okay, here's his diaper bag and his Mr. Winky. And, oh, him. Hi.
Carol: So how did everything go?
Ross: Great. There was a projectile throwing up incident, but he started it.
Quote from Ross
Ross: Why shouldn't I be happy for you? What would it say about me if I couldn't revel in your joy? And I'm reveling, baby! Believe me.
Susan: Is your finger caught in that chair?
Ross: Uh-huh.
Carol: Want us to go?
Ross: [in pain] Uh-huh.
Quote from Monica
Monica: Yes!
Joey: What?
Monica: Carol and Susan's caterer had a mountain bike accident and she's in a full-body cast.
All: Yes!
Quote from Ross
Joey: You're really not going?
Ross: I'm really not going. I mean, I don't get it. They already live together. Why do they need to get married?
Monica: Because they love each other. And because they wanna celebrate that love with the people close to them.
Ross: If you wanna call that a reason.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: For a minute there, I actually thought you were trying to smell something.
Quote from Mrs. Green
Mrs. Green: You know, I never worked. I went straight from my father's house to the sorority house to my husband's house. I am just so proud of you.
Rachel: Really?
Mrs. Green: Let's make a day of it. We will have lunch, we will shopping, we will get nails done, whatever you want.
Rachel: Mom, I have to work.
Mrs. Green: What? No one else can pour coffee?
Quote from Monica
Monica: All right, tell me if this is too cute. Lesbian wedding, chicken breasts.
Rachel: Oh, God. I think I'm gonna be sick.
Monica: What? It's not like I'm putting little nipples on them.
Quote from Phoebe
Ross: And you had no idea they weren't getting along?
Rachel: None.
Joey: They didn't fight a lot?
Rachel: No, they didn't even talk to each other. How was I suppose to know they were having problems?
Phoebe: [as Mrs. Adelman] You know, in my day, divorce was not an option.
Joey: Hey, look who's up.
Quote from Chandler
Phoebe: Oh, that's him.
Chandler: Damn. My mail-order grandfather hasn't come yet.
Quote from Monica
Monica: You guys? Remember when I said that I don't need your help?
Rachel: Actually, what I think you said was "Don't touch that and get the hell out of my kitchen."
Monica: Really? Weird.