Monica: Chandler, this is crazy. Well, what did you even say to him? "Come up. Meet my wife.
Give us your sperm."
Chandler: No. I invited him to dinner so you'd get a chance to get to know him. I mean, if we go through a sperm bank, you never meet the guy, get to check him out.
Monica: Chandler.
Chandler: I'm telling you, he's great. I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I think he'd be the way to go.

Phoebe: I'll go into that dressing room and talk. You stay here and see if you can hear me.
Rachel: Okay, great. Oh, thank God, I can't hear a word that you're saying.
Phoebe: I didn't say anything yet.
Rachel: Well, get back in there and talk.
Phoebe: I'm Rachel. It's so annoying when I put Emma on the phone to talk with my friends.
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: Well, some things are just hard to say to your face.

Joey: What's up?
Ross: Well, I'm meeting with Professor Sherman about my being the keynote speaker.
Joey: How's it going?
Ross: It could be better. He fell asleep.
Joey: What? But I already bought my ticket to Bermuda.
Ross: Barbados.
Joey: Fine, I'll rent a car and drive.

Zack: You guys have a great place here.
Chandler: Thanks. I'm crazy about our place. Hey, speaking of crazy do you have a history of mental illness in the family?
Zack: Uh, no. Although, I did have an uncle who voted for Dukakis.
Chandler: That's really not the kind of thing we're looking for, Zack.

Zack: So tell me, how'd you guys meet?
Monica: Oh, friends first, drunk in London, you know the story. I've got a better question for you: Do you or any of your blood relatives have diabetes?
Zack: No.
Monica: Uh, heart disease? Alzheimer's? Gout?
Zack: You guys don't have people for dinner a lot, huh?

Zack: This ravioli's delicious.
Chandler: I notice you're enjoying that ravioli with a beautiful set of teeth. Did you have braces as a child?
Zack: No, I didn't.
Monica: Yes!
Chandler: We're teeth people, Zack.

Phoebe: What are you doing here?
David: Well, I'm back from Minsk. Permanently.
Phoebe: Well, what happened?
David: Well, remember how I was trying to achieve the positronic distillation of subatomic particles?
Phoebe: Yeah.
David: Well, after eight years of research, I discovered that ... that it can't be done.

Charlie: Hey, there's Phoebe. Is that Mike she's with?
Rachel: No, that's David.
Charlie: There's a third guy?
Rachel: Tip of the iceberg.

Monica: It's just that when we were asking him all those questions before I just realized I don't care if he is the most perfect guy in the world. He's not you.
Chandler: Yeah, he's better!

Chandler: We are gonna be great parents.
Monica: And it could be soon. I mean, think about it. Right now, somewhere out there our baby could be being conceived.
Chandler: Wait. If we're lucky, and we're really, really, really quiet we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking.