‘The One with the Candy Hearts’
Season 1, Episode 14 - Aired February 9, 1995
Ross struggles to move on from his failed marriage with Carol when he goes on his first date in nine years. Meanwhile, Chandler gets more than he bargained for when he's set up on a blind date by Joey, while the girls spend Valentine's day burning momentos from their past relationships.
Quote from Chandler
Janice: So do we have the best friends, or what?
Chandler: Joey's not a friend. He's a stupid man who left us his credit card. Another drink? Some dessert? A big-screen TV?
Janice: I will go for that drink.
Chandler: You got it. Good woman! [a male waiter comes to the table] Can we get a bottle of your most overpriced champagne?
Janice: Each.
Chandler: That's right, each. Oh, and a rob roy. I've always wanted to know.
Quote from Joey
Joey: Hey, can you stop yelling? You're making me nervous and I can't go when I'm nervous.
Chandler: I'm sorry, you're right. [Chandler walks up behind Joey] Come on. Do it! Do it! Do it! Come on!
Quote from Rachel
Phoebe: Hello! Now we need sage branches and the sacramental wine.
Monica: All I had is oregano and a Fresca.
Phoebe: That's okay! All right, now we need the semen of a righteous man.
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, you know if we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.
Quote from Joey
Joey: I'm telling you, Ross, she wants you.
Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.
Chandler: Any contact?
Ross: She lent me an egg once.
Joey: You're in!
Quote from Monica
Monica: You can not do this.
Rachel: Do what? Do what?
Monica: Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night.
Rachel: No! Pheebs, don't you remember why you dumped the guy?
Phoebe: Because he was creepy. And mean. And a little frightening. All right, still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!
Monica: Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year. I know I do.
Quote from Chandler
Ross: She said yes.
Chandler: Oh, way to go, man! [Chandler hugs Ross, there's a cracking sound] Still got the egg, huh?
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: Okay, Roger was creepy, but he was nothing compared to Pete.
Monica: Who?
Rachel: Pete the Weeper. Remember, the guy that used to cry every time we had sex? [sobbing] "Was it good for you?"
Quote from Monica
Monica: Okay, what kind of ritual?
Phoebe: Oh, we can burn the stuff they gave us.
Rachel: Or?
Phoebe: Or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks.
Monica: Burning's good.
Quote from Chandler
Joey: Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me. I'm sorry, Chandler.
Chandler: I hope she throws up on you.