Monica: I want to buy five shares of SGJ and I wanna buy them now. Come on, time is money, my friend. Thank you. Whoo!
Rachel: "Time is money, my friend?"
Joey: Yeah, you missed "Takes money to make money" and "Don't make me come down there and kick your Wall Street butt."

Joey: It's a woman.
Phoebe: So talk to her.
Joey: [in deep voice] Hello, Mrs. Buffay. I know where your dog is. I want you to know he'll be returned to you, almost as good as new, within 24 hours. Goodbye.
Rachel: Why the voice?
Joey: [in deep voice] Hard to say.

Rachel: How did you make $17?
Monica: Well, my financially challenged friends, I split my money and I bought some shares of CHP and ZXY.
Joey: How come those?
Monica: Well, CHP because I used to have a crush on Erik Estrada. And ZXY because I think it sounds "zexy."
Rachel: What happened to MEG?
Monica: MEG was good for me, but I dumped her. My motto is, "Get out before they go down."
Joey: That is so not my motto.

Rachel: Well don't do it.
Monica: How can I not do it? I have $127 in the bank.
Joey: Monica, relax. Go get a beer.
Monica: I don't want a beer.
Joey: Who said it was for you?

Joey: Hey, Monica, why are we watching the Business Channel?
Monica: Because I was going by it the other day and I saw there was a stock with my initials, MEG, on it. Sometimes you have to watch for two or three hours before it comes up again, but when it does, it's exciting.
Rachel: Okay, honey, you really need a job.

Rachel: Hey, how'd the interview go?
Monica: It bit. It was a '50s theme restaurant. I'd have to cook in a costume and dance on the counter. I mean, I was a sous chef at Cafe des Artistes. How can I take a job where I have to make something called Laverne-and-Curly Fries?

[Chandler and Ross arrive at the apartment after being bullied]
Chandler and Ross: [sullenly] Hi.

Monica: Hey, I went up.
Rachel: What?
Monica: My stock, MEG, it went up two points. Do you realize that if I'd invested my $127 in myself yesterday that l'd, like, have a lot more than that today. You know what? I'm going to do it.
Joey: Do what?
Monica: Put all my money in me.
Rachel: Monica, what are you talking about? You don't know a thing about the stock market.
Monica: What's to know? Buy, sell. High, low. Bears, bulls.

Monica: [on the phone] Yes, Manhattan. Telephone number for the stock .. selling store.

Carl: Isn't that the guy who used to wear your hat?
Arthur: And look where they're sitting.
Ross: You're joking, right? You guys just walked through the door.
Carl: Maybe we didn't make it clear enough. This couch belongs to us.
Chandler: All right, I'll tell you what, you call the couch and then we'll call the couch and we'll see who it comes to.
Carl: You know, I keep wondering why you two are still sitting here.
Ross: All right, that's it. I have had enough of this. All right. Gunther, these guys are trying to take our seat.
Gunther: Fellas, these guys were here first.
Carl: Oh, sorry, didn't realize.
Gunther: There you go.
Ross: Thank you, Gunther. We didn't want to have to go and do that.
Arthur: He told on us?
Carl: You told on us?
Ross: Well, pal, you didn't give me much of a choice.
Chandler: Don't play with his thing.
Ross: I know.
Carl: All right. Let's take this outside.
Ross: "Let's take this outside?" Who talks like that?
Carl: The guy who's about to kick your ass talks like that.
Chandler: You had to ask.
Ross: Yeah. Okay, okay, look. See the thing is, we're not gonna fight you guys.
Arthur: Well, then, here's the deal. You won't have to, so long as you never ever show your faces in this coffeehouse ever again.
Chandler: I think you played the Gunther card too soon.