Mike: No, no, what I mean is I hate going back to my apartment now. Partly because I live above a known crack den but, you know, mostly because when I'm there, I really miss you.

Monica: Come on, I just I need it for some rent and some other bills.
Joey: Well, how much?
Monica: Two thousand dollars?
Joey: Two thousand dollars? What do you think I am, a soap opera star?
Monica: Yeah.
Joey: That's right, I am.

Monica: Anyway, are you going to get a handyman to install this stuff?
Rachel: No, I was just gonna do it myself.
Joey: You're gonna do it?
Rachel: Yeah. Why? You don't think a woman can do this?
Joey: Women can. You can't.
Rachel: Monica, will you please tell Joey that he is a pig.
Monica: You're a pig. And you can't do this.

Rachel: What? Come on, I found the hardware store all by myself.
Joey: The hardware store's right down the street.
Rachel: There is a hardware store right down the street?

Phoebe: You know, I mean, I don't know can I see someday being married to Mike? Sure. Yeah. You know, I could picture myself walking down the aisle in a wedding dress that highlights my breasts in an obvious yet classy way. But do I want that house in Connecticut, you know, near the good schools where Mike and I could send little Sophie and Mike Jr.? Oh, my God, I do.

Chandler: Listen, I need to ask you a favor, and we can't tell Monica anything about it.
Joey: I thought you guys didn't have secrets from Monica.
Chandler: And that will remain the official party line.

Phoebe: But don't you think it might be different with someone else? Perhaps a blond who always uses the toilet? Except for once in the ocean.

Phoebe: Oh, I definitely don't want to get married. I just wanted to make sure you didn't want to, too. Because, you know, if we move in and you start changing your mind there is gonna be hell to pay, mister.
Mike: Trust me. I will never-
Phoebe: Yeah, I get that. Yeah.

Monica: So you gave in and decided to call someone?
Rachel: Yeah. I don't know who I was kidding. I can barely use chopsticks.

Chandler: There she is, my perfectly proportioned wife.
Rachel: Don't look at me. I never get his jokes.