Chandler: Whoa, whoa. So, I'm guessing you didn't get the part. Or Italy called and said it was hungry?

Chandler: You know, maybe this isn't such a big deal. You know, I mean, the way that I see it is, you get a great job and you get to have sex. You know? I mean, throw in a tree and a fat guy, and you've got Christmas.

Joey: I just- I just don't think that I want it that way though, you know? I mean, let's say I do make it, all right? I'm always going to look back and wonder if it was because of my talent, or because of, you know, the Little General.
Chandler: Didn't you used to call it the "Little Major"?
Joey: Yeah, but after Denise DiMarco, I had to promote it.

Russ: Hey, you listen-
Ross: No, no. Let me finish.
Russ: No, let me finish.
Ross: No, you let me fin-
Ross: Hi.
Russ: Hi.
Rachel: Ew. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!

Phoebe: What's with all the bottles of liquor?
Ross: What's going on? Is, uh, Bobby drinking again?
Monica: Oh, no, no, this is not for him; this is for me. That way, he's still sober, but I find his stories about shoelaces much more amusing.

Monica: Does anybody want these? [miniature liquor bottles]
Chandler: I'll take one. Sometimes I like to hold stuff like this and pretend I'm a giant.

Estelle: [on the phone] Estelle Leonard Talent Agency! Oh Stanley, would you stop calling me already? No, n-n-no. I’m not saying you’re not talented. You’re very talented. It's just with the bird dead and all, there's very little act left. Oh, honey, give me a break, will ya? [knock on door] Ooh, ooh, I'll talk to you later.

Chandler: Is she good-looking?
Joey: Yeah, she's totally good-looking. I mean, if I met her in a bar or something, I'd be buying her breakfast. You know, after having slept with her.

[three slow knocks]
Rachel: Ugh, God, even his knock is boring.

Chandler: Hey, would you sleep with somebody to get a great job?
Rachel: I don't know. Who would I have to sleep with?
Chandler: Me.
Rachel: Why would I have to sleep with you?
Chandler: It's my game. You want the job, or not?