‘The One with Ross's Thing’
Season 3, Episode 23 - Aired May 1, 1997
When Ross notices a skin abnormality, Chandler recommends the doctor who removed his third nipple. Phoebe can't decide between the two men she is dating, a muscular fireman and a sensitive teacher. Monica worries that Pete is about to break up with her when he says they "have to talk."
Quote from Chandler
Ross: Listen, I need a favor. I was in the shower, and as I was, cleansing myself, I felt something.
Chandler: Was it like a sneeze, only better?
Ross: No.
Quote from Joey
Monica: I gotta go water Pete's plants. You know what? lf he's gonna break up with me, maybe I won't water them.
Chandler: If he's gonna break up with you, maybe Joey and I should do water his plants, if you know what I mean.
Joey: Or we could go over there and pee on them.
Quote from Chandler
Ross: I mean, like, a thing on my body.
Joey: Well, what was it?
Ross: Well, I don't know. It's kind of in a place that's not- It's not visually accessible to me.
And I was hoping maybe you guys ... could help me out.
Joey: Whoa.
Chandler: Hey!
Ross: Come on, you guys! It's no big deal! Well, what is it? ls it a mole?
Joey: No, it's too wrinkly to be a mole.
Ross: Ew. Is it--? What, a pimple?
Chandler: No, it's fancier than a pimple. Look, Ross, why don't you just go see a doc-
Rachel: Hey, guys, what's--?
Chandler: Well, it's definite. Two more weeks of winter.
Quote from Phoebe
Rachel: Wow, Pheebs, two dates in one day? That's so unlike you.
Phoebe: I know, I know. I'm, like, playing the field. I'm juggling two guys and I'm sowing my wild oats. You know, this kind of, like, oat-sowing, field-playing juggler.
Quote from Phoebe
Joey: So do they know about each other?
Phoebe: Does a dog's lips move when he reads? Okay, no, they don't know.
Quote from Rachel
Ross: Monica's right. We're talking about marriage here. She can't just rush into this.
Rachel: What do you know? You married a lesbian!
Quote from Phoebe
Vince: You made him a candlelight dinner in the park?
Phoebe: Yeah, but I can do that for you. I'm gonna do that for you.
Vince: I can't believe I went out with somebody who'd have an open flame in the middle of a wooded area!
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Oh, God. That's the nicest kitchen.
Monica: I know.
Phoebe: But it's the nicest kitchen. The refrigerator told me to have a great day.
Quote from Ross
Dr. Rhodes: Let's see what we're dealing with. What are you doing?
Ross: Just showing you my run-of-the-mill, slice-it-right-off third nipple.
Dr. Rhodes: Well, that's not a third nipple. First of all, it's on your ass.
Quote from Ross
Phoebe: I'm telling you, if you wanna take care of that thing, go see my herbal guy.
Ross: Thank you, but I wanna remove it, Pheebs. I don't want to make it savory.