Monica: What happened? How did she die?
Phoebe: Well, okay, we were in the market and she bent down to get some yogurt and she just never came back up again.
Joey: Pheebs, I'm so sorry.
Phoebe: It was really sweet. The last thing she said to me was: "Okay, you go get the eggs and I'm going to get the yogurt, and we'll meet at the checkout counter." And you know what? We will meet at the checkout counter.

Joey: But it is odd how a woman's purse looks so good on me, a man.
Rachel: Exactly. Unisex!
Joey: Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.
Rachel: No. No, Joey. U-N-I sex.
Joey: Well, I ain't gonna say no to that.

Frank Buffay: Well, you know, in my defense, I was a lousy father.
Phoebe: That's your defense?
Frank Buffay: Yes, it is. I burned the formula, and I put your diapers on backwards. I made up a song to sing to you, but that made you cry even more.
Phoebe: You make up songs?
Frank Buffay: Well, no, just that one. But it was stupid. Let's see, how did it go?
[singing to the tune of "Smelly Cat"] Sleepy girl, sleepy girl, Why won't you go to sleep? Sleepy girl, sleepy girl, You're keeping me up-

Chandler: I'm telling you, she gives the worst massages ever. It was like she was torturing me for information. And I wanted to give it up but I just didn't know what it was.

Monica: I can't believe we've never done this before. It's so good. It's so good for Monica.
Chandler: Oh, look, time's up. My turn.
Monica: That was half an hour?
Chandler: It's your timer.
Monica: I don't like to brag about it, but I give the best massages.
Chandler: All right, then massage me up right nice. Argh! Argh! Argh.
Monica: It's so good, isn't it?
Chandler: So good I don't know what I've done to deserve it.
Monica: Say goodbye to sore muscles.
Chandler: Goodbye, muscles!

Joey: There's this play and I'm up for the part of this cool, suave, international guy. A real clotheshorse. So I figure everyone at the audition will wear this ultra-hip, high-fashion stuff.
Chandler: And you'll make them disappear?

Phoebe: I'm fine, but my grandma sort of died.
Joey: Phoebe, sorry.
Phoebe: It's okay. I mean, she had a really incredible life. And it's not like I'll never see her again. She's gonna visit.
Rachel: Well, maybe she's with us right now.
Phoebe: Yeah, right. Her first day on a new spiritual plain and she's going to come to the coffeehouse.

Rachel: Now, Joey, you know that since you're returning all this stuff after the audition you're going to have to wear underwear.
Joey: All right. Well, you better show me some of that too.

Rachel: Don't listen to them. I think it's sexy.
Joey: You-and-I sexy?

Monica: Phoebe, you do seem a little tense. Here, let me help you.
Phoebe: Ooh! Get off! Stop it! Why are you doing that to me?
Monica: What are you talking about?
Phoebe: As a masseuse and a human, I'm begging you never do that to anyone.