Monica: Your boyfriend has been in there for an hour. It's like I'm living with him again.
He's here when I go to sleep and wake up and when I want to shower. I feel like I'm 16 again.
Rachel: Well, you're not 16. You're both adults now.
Monica: Get out, you doofus.

Monica: But I thought you wanted to live by yourself.
Joey: I did. I thought it'd be great. I figured I'd have, like, time alone with my thoughts. But, you know, it turns out I don't have as many thoughts as you think.

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Smelly cat, smelly cat, What are they feeding you? Everybody. Smelly cat, smelly cat, It's not your fault. Monica.
Monica: They won't take you to the vet.
Phoebe: Chandler.
Chandler: ... You're obviously not their favorite pet.
Phoebe: Joey.
Joey: You may not be a bed of roses.
Phoebe: Rachel.
Rachel: And you're no friend to those with noses.
Phoebe: Ross, those are the only lines we have. Sorry. Okay, back to the chorus.

Record Producer: From the top.
Phoebe: playing guitar and singing] Smelly cat, smelly cat What are they feeding you? - Okay, sorry. I'm just not getting that everyone gets how smelly this cat actually is. Maybe if we could talk about this because I need to feel that you really care about the cat.
Record Producer: Honey, we can talk about this. It's just that this is costing like $100 a minute to be in here.
Phoebe: So the cat stinks, but you love it. Let's go.

Ross: Monica keeps changing the channel.
Monica: Oh, that's great. Why don't you tell Mommy on me?
Rachel: Now I'm Mommy in this little play? Look, I refuse to get sucked into this, like, weird little Geller dimension thing, okay? So I'm gonna go and take a nice long hot bubble bath because you kids are driving me crazy.

Record Producer: Okay, Phoebe. You ready to try one?
Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Smelly cat, smelly cat, What are they feeding you?
Backing Singers: Smelly, smelly, smelly, Really bad smelling smelly cat-
Phoebe: Whoa. Oh, my God. I mean, like, who was that?
Record Producer: They're your backup singers. Behind you, hon.
Phoebe: Oh, I thought they were just watching me. Like at an aquarium, you know?

Phoebe: Oh, my God. You won't believe this. I have just been discovered.
Chandler: Wait a minute. I claimed you in the name of France four years ago.

Phoebe: Listen, you are not going to believe this but that is not me singing on the video.
All: No.
Phoebe: Yes.
Rachel: Well, how did you find out?
Phoebe: Okay, the record company sent this paper for me to sign saying it's okay for someone else to sing for me. That was my first clue.
Monica: So what are you gonna do?
Phoebe: Well, I can't work with people who would do this.
Monica: Sure.
Phoebe: I mean, this poor woman.
Ross: What woman?
Phoebe: The voice woman. I mean she has a great voice, but she doesn't have a video.
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, but what about you?
Phoebe: Well, I have a video. You have to pay attention. This voice woman, she's so talented.
But according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have the right look or something. She's like one of those animals at the pound who, like, nobody wants because they're not pretty enough. Or you know, like some old dog who's kind of like stinky and- Oh, my God. She's "smelly cat". Oh, that song has so many levels.

Rachel: Hey, nice pillow. So tell me, is this genuine Muppet skin?

Phoebe: So why don't you show us the rest of your casa?
Joey: Oh, the best part. Come on.
Rachel: Hey, nice toilet.
Joey: No, no, no. Behind it.
Ross: You have a phone in here?
Joey: That's right. I have a phone. In here.
Monica: Joey, promise me something. Never call me from that phone.