Daphne: Now, you might come to a point where you feel like you can't take it anymore. I call that "phase one."
Mel: [screaming] Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Daphne: I know exactly what I'm doing.

Frasier: It isn't working, Dad. There's only one thing left to do.
Martin: Well, I gotta warn you, I'm not as good a shot as I used to be. We're going to have to go out on the balcony. I need a cup of coffee to steady my nerves.
Frasier: Dad! I meant go to a locksmith.

Frasier: You know, seeing as how we have a minute or two here, I may as well take this opportunity to end the suspense. You've got the job.
Dinah: I've got a little news for you, too. I've been on the clock since you slapped the cuffs on me.
Frasier: Fair enough.

Daphne: What's going on?
Martin: Daphne.
Frasier: Er, well this is [reads badge] Officer Nasty. She's leaving the police force and I'm thinking of hiring her as the housekeeper, you see. I mean, once you marry Donny, you'll still be Dad's physical therapist, of course, but, er, we'll need someone around here to help with the chores, won't we?

Martin: How was your date?
Frasier: Well, it was nice. We had a beer, talked a bit.
Martin: She has a hell of a body, doesn't she?
Frasier: Dad, that was not what this evening was about. This evening was about taking a chance, getting to know a different sort of woman. It turns out she's really quite interesting, Dinah. She's working her way through grad school, she lives with her mother, she's extremely well-read, she even speaks a couple of languages.
Martin: Well, it makes you wonder, doesn't it?
Frasier: Yes, it does, doesn't it? It makes you wonder how eager we are to judge a book by its cover. How willing we are tostereotype...
Martin: No, I mean, it really makes you wonder what that mother looks like.

Frasier: Isn't that interesting? I just ran into Regan. Seems she's not seeing that Scott anymore.
Martin: What, the ballplayer? Is she nuts? He had money, looks, the whole package.
Frasier: Dad, let him go.

Martin: Are you going to ask her out?
Frasier: I don't know. Every time I've had a chance to get close to Regan, it seems I end up looking ridiculous. You know, she did make a point of letting me know she was single again. Perhaps she's hinting for another ride on the "Frasier-go-round."
Martin: Now, if we could just figure out why you always look ridiculous.

Roz: Would you knock it off. What is so amazing?
Niles: All right, come here, come here.
Niles: Right, you see that rotund woman coming out of "Chock Full Of Donuts"?
Frasier: Uh-huh.
Roz: Yeah.
Niles: Watch. Before she gets in her car she will finish that bear claw and then go back in. This is her third time.
Frasier: That's what you brought us over here for? To gawk at some poor woman's struggle with junk food?
Roz: Big deal. So she's overweight, you don't need to point it out.
Roz: It's rude.
Frasier: It's childish.
Niles: It's Maris!

Niles: Maris was always chubby as a child. Her whole life she was obsessed with keeping weight off.
Roz: Something must have snapped.
Niles: Literally. When she saw me, she swallowed and her necklace exploded from the pressure.

Roz: Well, she moved next door to "Italian Deli." The guy just took a two-foot salami out of the window.
Niles: I can't face her now. That salami string should keep her busy until I get to my car.