Niles: Sorry I'm late, I stopped halfway to listen to a jolly band of Frasier Crane Day carolers. I tried to join in on "The Twelve Days Of Frasier" but forgot the words around day eleven. How does it go again?
Frasier: I believe it's "seven snobs a-sniping." Well, you just snipe away. I take your jealousy as the compliment that it is.

Niles: Happy Frasier Crane Day. Or is it Merry Frasier Crane Day, I can never remember.
Frasier: Very amusing.

Frasier: Don't take it to heart, Niles. This person just happened to remember me best, the next person might just as easily...
Woman: Oh, my God, you're Frasier Crane. Could I bother you for an autograph?
Frasier: No, you can't. It's never a bother. [laughs]
Woman: I love your show.
Frasier: Oh, thank you.
Woman: I just think you're, like, the smartest guy on the face of the earth.
Frasier: Well, one does hear tales of a certain wise man in Tibet, but why split hairs?

Frasier: Where was I?
Niles: You were last seen hiking up Mount Ego.

Niles: Xena, isn't she the Greek one?
Daphne: Yeah, we've been planning a trip together. You see, her mother's taking a luxury cruise and her ship will be docked in Mazatlan for a week, she invited us down to join her. Only, I can't go because my bloody passport's expired.
Niles: Well, don't give up hope. One way or another we'll get you across that border. If I have to, I'll snuggle you under an old blanket.
Daphne: Don't you mean smuggle?
Niles: I'm using code language, you can't be too careful.

Frasier: Oh, Dad, they've asked if you might say a few words at the rally. You don't have to, if it makes you nervous.
Martin: Oh, no problem. Yeah, I can't tell you how many retirement dinners I've spoken at. I think I've still got my old joke book; "One Thousand And One Side-Splitters, Rib-Ticklers and Thigh-Slappers".
Frasier: I'm sure you're a veritable chiropractor at mirth but, I think what they're looking for is something just a bit more personal.

Frasier: [answering the phone] Hello. All right, Roz. Roz, slow down. Oh, good Lord, the mayor! Well, has "Frasier" fever swept all the way to city hall? Well, all right, Roz, I'll see you tomorrow. [hangs up]
Daphne: The mayor's going to be there?
Frasier: Yes. And not just be there, he's going to present me with a key to the city. After which he's going to proclaim it "Frasier Crane Day" in Seattle!
Martin: Way to go, kid!
Frasier: Who can this be? The mechanic from the Vatican with my Pope-mobile?

Niles: Oh, all right, I could use the fresh air, I'm feeling a tad sluggish.
Frasier: Oh, up late last night?
Niles: Oh, I'm afraid so. As usual, I left it till the last minute to write all my Frasier Crane Day cards.

Frasier: I just hope Dad doesn't get too nervous about his speech today. I've been giving him little tips all week.
Niles: Oh, really? As Daphne tells it, you wrote the whole thing for him.
Frasier: I did no such thing. I added a bon mot or two, tidied up the language, removed any questionable material.
Niles: There isn't a word of his left, is there?
Frasier: Not a comma.

Frasier: [waving to a man across the street] I'm listening!
Niles: Here's a tip for you. The ones with cameras are tourists. They have no idea who you are, much less why you're listening.
Frasier: Oh, Niles, don't be so churlish. The man clearly waved to me first.
Niles: He didn't wave at you.
Frasier: Yes he did.
Niles: He was probably waving-
Frasier: I don't know why you're even objecting-
Niles: He was waving for a cab to get away from the scary listening man.