Niles: Actually, yes, I do know a thing or two about the spark of attraction.
Frasier: [to waiter] Oh, excuse me, may I have non-fat cappuccino, please? [to Niles] Well, what am I to deduce, that you've recently gotten lucky?
Niles: Yes. And here's the kicker: she lives in your building. Five floors down, Allison Landis.
Frasier: Well, you little sneak. I don't even know the woman. How did you two meet?
Niles: Well, we were just chatting on the elevator. I walked her to her car, where it turned out she'd locked her keys inside. My resourcefulness saved the day.
Frasier: What did you do, fish them out with a coat hanger?
Niles: No, I called the auto club. Where would I find a coat hanger?

Frasier: [on the phone] Hello, Tricia, it's Frasier. Look, I'm, I'm terribly sorry but it's just that my car battery went dead at a light, and I didn't have my cell phone with me. By the time I got a jump I realized I couldn't go directly to the restaurant because I was wearing these ridiculous shorts, and I, I know how this sounds, but it's the truth! Here, just ask my brother. [holding the phone out for Niles]
Niles: They're ridiculous shorts.

Frasier: Dad, look, you know, I really don't feel like going out on my birthday this year.
Martin: are you sure?
Frasier: Yes, I actually had made plans already. I was gonna stay home and watch television. The opera is mounting a new production of "Cosi van Tutti."
Martin: Oh, well no wonder then. Well, okay, but you're missing a real treat. Duke said in the finalé, the whole cast skates to the top of this ramp, then splat! Right into a tank of whipped cream. Bet they don't do that at your opera.
Frasier: No. And Mozart's still kicking himself.

Niles: Are you familiar with the Safari Club?
Frasier: Of course I'm familiar with them. Their yearly expeditions are remarkable.
Niles: They're more than remarkable. They're the stuff of legend. Last year, they made camp at the base of Mount Everest, then had their servants climb it while they held a wine tasting.

Niles: I understand one of the members is going to show an old film he made of the rare and endangered species found only in the rain forest. Maris would have loved it.
Frasier: Oh, why so?
Niles: She had shoes made from almost all of them.

Martin: You didn't think we were gonna let you stay home alone on your birthday, did ya? Look at his face. He can't believe it.
Frasier: No, I certainly can't.
Daphne: Well, why are you dressed like that?
Frasier: Well, I, I dress like this sometimes when I watch the opera on television.
Bulldog: Well, that's up there on the dork meter.

Roz: At least stay and play the last round of charades with us.
Frasier: Actually, I should be getting back there.
Daphne: You love charades [shuh-rahds].
Martin: Charades. [shuh-reyds]
Daphne: Shut up.

Bulldog: Let's see, icy cold man. Iceman. Got it!
Frasier: Thank you.
Bulldog: Frosty the Snowman!
Frasier: No, you jackass. The Iceman Cometh.
Roz: Disqualified.
Frasier: You two are the worst charades players I've ever seen in my entire life. My God, those skating chimps could... [cheering up] Well, you did your best, we'll get it next time, off I go.

Tricia: I thought I'd find us a little background music.
Frasier: Good idea. Looking for some more opera?
Tricia: Heck, no. The one the other night was my first and last. I was dragged to it by one of my converts. [She stops on a country music station.] There we go.
Frasier: Converts, you say?
Tricia: Mm-hmm. I'm one of the Truth bringers. I was ordained by Brother Carmichael himself, the evangelist. I go door to door, spreading his word. Listen, do you mind my asking something? Have you heard the Truth?
Frasier: Something tells me I'm about to.

Frasier: Dad. Bad news, seems your ice is melting awfully fast.
Martin: What?
Frasier: No worries, I'll get some more.
Roz: No, Frasier, it's your party, I'll go.
Frasier: No, Roz, I want to go.
Roz: But you just got here.
Frasier: Roz, it's my birthday, I can do whatever I want on my birthday, I want to go get some ice.
Martin: [o.s.] I knew it! I warned her! It's practically gone!
Frasier: Don't worry, Dad! I'm on it!
Roz: Listen, I'll be glad to go...
Frasier: Roz, I want to go, I know what kind Dad likes!