Frasier: Tricia, I am so very sorry. Have you been waiting long?
Tricia: Well, let's see, we were supposed to meet at noon and it's now quarter to one.
Frasier: Well, I do apologize, it's just that the most extraordinary thing happened.
Tricia: Well, at least I'll get a colorful anecdote out of this. What was it?
Frasier: My watch stopped.
Tricia: I gotta go.
Frasier: No, no, no, no. That really is extraordinary. You see, it's a very fine Swiss timepiece, it only loses a minute per decade.
Tricia: And you've had it for what, four hundred and fifty years? I'm sorry, Frasier, I have an appointment at one.
Frasier: No, no, no, please, please, let me have another chance. I so enjoyed meeting you last night, I'd love to get to know you better.
Tricia: Well, I suppose even Swiss watches sometimes stop.
Frasier: You'd be amazed how much fondue gets overcooked that way.

Niles: Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, Niles.
Niles: Thank god you have room. I just spent ten stupefying minutes sharing a table with a taxidermist. I swear,
he doesn't have to stuff his trophies, he can just bore them stiff.

Niles: Anyway, she invited me to join her for lunch, we hit it off. The next night, I took her to dinner, one thing led to another, and soon, there was no need for words.
Frasier: Except for your frantically babbled "Thank you's."

Niles: Oh, well. I'm seeing her again tonight, so you'll understand if I'm a little bit drained during our squash game. My lovemaking can get slightly athletic.
Frasier: Which is more than can be said for your squash game.

Niles: It's funny. I've been away from the seduction scene so long I was worried I had started to lose my technique.
Frasier: Yes, Niles.
Niles: Were those fears ever groundless. You know, it's like French, you can go without speaking it for years, then just a few hours on the old boulevarde d'amour and you, ah... [Frasier rises.] Where are you going?
Frasier: To sit with the taxidermist.

Frasier: I can't believe this has happened to me two days in a row.
Niles: Frasier, you had car trouble, it can happen to anyone.
Frasier: I hope she's still at Le Petite Bistro.
Daphne: Oh, she isn't.
Frasier: What?
Daphne: If you're talking about someone named Tricia, she called to say she was leaving the restaurant. She also said you were right about the table: that it was a beautiful table in a prime location, and that she wished you were laid out dead on top of it.

Frasier: Whom are you calling?
Niles: Allison. It's been hours since we spoke. [on the phone] Hello, there. How ya feeling? Uh-huh. Me too. [holding his back] Yeah, me too.
Frasier: Oh for God's sake, take it in my bedroom. You're making the dog twitch.

Martin: Frasier, you're gonna be so excited when you hear what I got planned for your birthday.
Frasier: Oh, Dad, please, I thought I said I didn't want any fuss this year.
Martin: Well, get ready to change your mind, 'cause I scored tickets, Friday night, to the best show in town.
Frasier: Chimps on Ice? Oh, my.
Martin: Yeah, now I know this doesn't sound like your cup of tea, but trust me on this. Duke saw this last week and he busted a gut.
Frasier: Well, Dad-
Martin: And mind you, he even saw it with the understudy.

Frasier: But wait, I told Dad I was gonna stay home that night. You mustn't tell him about this.
Niles: Oh, don't worry. He'll never suspect. I told him yesterday I was going to be away for the weekend.
Frasier: Great. Perfect. But wait a minute, you knew about this yesterday?
Niles: Uh, no, but I knew about Chimps on Ice.

Allison: The bar is over there, and the hors d'oeuvres are over here. We have some fascinating delicacies actually bagged by our own members. This is ostrich, that's wildebeest, and that's springbok.
Frasier: You know, I can never remember, is it "Fall ahead, Springbok" or vice versa?