Frasier: [on the phone] Henri, you can't ban me from your bistro. It's my chez away from chez! Very well. Goodbye, Henri.

Mr. Moon: Niles, good news. Our feet are the same size.
Daphne: Daddy! I knew you'd come.
Mr. Moon: Hello, Stilts. Ah, give your old dad a kiss.
Daphne: Mum, look who's here, all the way from England!
Mr. Moon: Hello, Gert.
Gertrude: "Hello, Gert"? That's all you have to say for yourself? For forty years I've been a good wife to you, raising your children and boiling your meals, and letting you work off your animal lusts, and all I get for my trouble is a cheery "Hello, Gert"? Well, your fatal charm is not going to work this time, so you can just drag your sorry arse back to that barstool it normally sags over and leave me the hell alone! [cheerily] Thank you, Niles, that was a nice surprise.
Mr. Moon: You're right. She has mellowed.

Henri: We have some magnificent specials this evening.
Gertrude: Just so you know, Henry, I won't eat frogs, snails, slugs or eels. And don't try slippin' 'em under the
sauce. I'm on to you people.
Henri: I shall repeat this to the chef and I'm sure some other delightful surprise will find its way onto your plate.

Mr. Moon: You're Martin Crane's problem now.
Gertrude: What?
Mr. Moon: Did you think I wouldn't find out about your little fancy man? He says he can't stop thinking about ya!
Gertrude: Well, that's because he knows a good thing when he sees it!
Mr. Moon: He can't see anything!

Niles: Mr. Moon, you wouldn't recognize your wife. She's mellowed.
Mr. Moon: You're wasting your breath.
Niles: All right. All right, forget about your wife for a minute. Think about your daughter. She's heartbroken.
Mr. Moon: My Daphne?
Niles: Yes, yes, the separation is tearing her apart. If you care about her, come back to Seattle with me and talk to your wife. If you don't patch things up, at least your only daughter will know you cared enough to try.
Mr. Moon: Well, you know, I'd love to see my baby girl again. But I can't afford to travel across the Atlantic whenever I please.
Niles: Oh, I would pay for the ticket, of course.
Mr. Moon: I can't have you buying me a first-class ticket to America.

Roz: Oh, here, let's pretend this comment card is about you.
Frasier: Roz, please, there is no need to do that. All right, if you insist. Just remember that it was late at night and I am really more of a morning person.
Roz: There you go.
Frasier: Let's see. High marks for courtesy and neatness of appearance; that's good. You were served in a prompt and timely manner.
Roz: Absolutely.
Frasier: Now, I see here that you're not planning a return visit.
Roz: Only because we agreed. I mean, as you can see, I will highly recommend you to friends and family members.
Frasier: Well, that was very kind of you, Roz. Thank you. Would you like me to fill one out for you?
Roz: No. I think you made your opinion clear when you screamed, "Outstanding!"

Mr. Moon: Oh, thanks for a tour of your city, lads. Now, where's your loo? I need to splash me boots.
Niles: It's just an expression. Or so I've chosen to believe.

Mr. Moon: Good God, you American police are persistent. I suppose you'd looking for this.
Martin: A Space Needle snow globe?
Mr. Moon: I meant to pay for it. I put it in me pocket, but between there and the register, I forgot about it. Why don't you take it back?
Niles: Mr. Moon, I think you're mistaken. This is our father. He works as a security guard.
Martin: Yeah, Marty Crane. How do you do?
Mr. Moon: Oh, oh. Harold Moon.
Martin: Oh, well, you did a terrific job bringing up your daughter.
Mr. Moon: Oh, well, you know, you do your best. I'll be needing that back then.

Martin: Well, she's a hell of a woman, your Gertrude. I don't blame you for coming over here to fight for her.
Mr. Moon: Really? What's so great about her?
Martin: Well, you know. I mean, like I have to tell you... The whole package. She's got... hair... skin... Uh, et cetera. And she's a good little drinker.
Niles: Dad, Dad, why just last week you were commenting on her twinkly eyes and her sunny smile.
Martin: Definitely. Yes, I was. Yeah they sure don't make women like that in America. [to Eddie] Come on, boy.
Mr. Moon: Wait a minute. I think I know what's going on here. The dog, the cane... He's lost his vision, hasn't he?

Mr. Moon: I'm off.
Niles: Mr. Moon. Mr. Moon, wait. Just stay one more day and spend a little more time with your daughter. I'll put you up in a hotel.
Mr. Moon: I can't let you buy me a suite in a five-star hotel.