Roz: Hey, aren't you going to the staff meeting?
Frasier: No, no, no, just tell them that my aunt died. I'm off to her lawyer's now, she put me in charge of her memorial.
Roz: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Frasier: Oh, don't be, she was a dreadful old harpy. Made everyone's life around her miserable.
Roz: That should look nice on her headstone.
Frasier: Well, I don't mean any disrespect but you know, the entire time I knew her she never said anything to me that wasn't scornful, derisive or contemptuous.
Roz: So how come she made you in charge of her memorial?
Frasier: I was her favorite!

Martin: The service is in an hour. Aren't you finished with that eulogy yet?
Frasier: I can't even come up with a first line. I got out this old photo album, hoping one of her pictures might inspire me.
Martin: How about this: "We all loved Aunt Louise, even if the camera didn't."

Frasier: Oh dear Lord, Niles, don't tell me you haven't disposed of those ashes yet.
Niles: Frasier, I have taken them to a dozen locations. Fossy glade, a babbling brook, a moonlit pond. None of them felt right, what am I going to do?
Frasier: Well, winter's coming. The sidewalks are always slippery.

Martin: Sinatra must gets thousands of songs sent to him. What did I expect?
Frasier: Well, you know, at least you gave it your best shot.
Martin: Yeah, I guess. I mean, sure it would have been nice to hear it sung, but hey, I finished it, finally. Yeah, I walked down that highway, and climbed that mountain, and reached for the stars. ... Oh sure, now I get hot.

Martin: It looks like Louise's whole rest home showed up. It must be "Liver & Onions Day" in the cafeteria.

Daphne: Apparently when they heard it was Frasier Crane from the radio speaking, the whole rest home turned out. Can't wait to hear what he has to say.
Niles: Neither can he. He's huddled in the rectory still working on his first sentence.

Daphne: How did the scattering go? Were there any problems?
Niles: No, nothing important.
[Niles empties dust out of his shoe]

Martin: So how did it go with Aunt Louise's lawyer? Did you get the old bat's affairs straightened out?
Niles: Ask her yourself. [Niles places an urn on the table. Eddie runs away]
Frasier: Apparently, it was Aunt Louise's wish that Niles dispose of her ashes.
Niles: Now the pressure's on me to find the perfect place for her to rest for eternity. I haven't the faintest idea what to do with her.
Martin: Why don't you just flush her down the toilet?
Daphne: Mr. Crane, you can't do that!
Martin: Why not? She loved the water.

Frasier: I refuse to invent virtues the woman didn't have. I'll just have to find something good I can honestly say
about her.
Martin: [standing up] Good luck! She was nothing but a crabby, tight-fisted old pain. All she ever did was sit around that house day after day watching TV. She even kept that same old cruddy furniture all her life.
[Martin sits down in his favorite chair and turns the TV on. Frasier and Niles share a look.]
Martin: What?

Frasier: Lord, this shoe box is full of them."I didn't mean to hurt her, she made me lose my mind".
Martin: Hey, lemme see that! [reads then:] No, that's just some confession I took from a guy. The lyrics are on the back.