Frasier: Dad, tell me if you think this is too subtle for my listening audience. "This delightful offering is infused with the brooding, almost dangerous, presence of vanilla."
Martin: No, it's not too subtle. Unless you want them to know what the hell you're talking about.
Frasier: Well, you don't think it's clear that I enjoyed the wine?
Martin: I don't think it's clear you're talking about wine.

Frasier: Listen, my father's been, well, letting his exercises slide a bit.
Frederika: Oh well, that's human nature, Dr. Crane. People neglect their exercising for many reasons — holidays, travel, illness, lack of time, death... And there's only one of those excuses that I accept. It's holidays! [laughs] Oh, it's just your leg I'm pulling!
Martin: Oh, well, good one. You know, I was worried that you were going to be one of those drill-sergeant types.
Frederika: You'll show me your exercise mat.
Martin: That's my other leg you're pulling, huh?
Frederika: Now!

Frederika: Oh, shame on you, Dr. Crane. You really should have kept him at his exercises.
Frasier: Is he all right?
Frederika: No, indeed. He is shamefully out of shape.
Frasier: But I meant-
Frederika: But don't worry. I got here just in time. I'll shape him up, or know the reason why!

Martin: Niles, I want to talk to you.
Niles: Dad. What happened, is there something wrong?
Martin: You're damn right there is, it's about you and Frasier. Good God, you wear a sash?

Frasier: Niles.
Niles: Hello, Frasier. I thought we could drive over to wine club together.
Frasier: Actually, I'm thinking about not going.
Niles: Why not?
Frasier: Niles, truth be told, my enthusiasm for the wine club has started to turn.
Niles: I know what you mean. It used to be the wine club. Now it's just the teasing people club.
Frasier: Then let's not go.
Niles: Well, they'll put our names in the absent bottle. We'll have to bring the crackers next time.
Frasier: What if there's no next time?
Niles: What do you mean?
Frasier: Niles, those people don't care about wine.
Niles: Not the way you and I do, no.
Frasier: So what's preventing us from starting a whole new club from scratch?
Niles: We could really get back to basics.
Frasier: Something that's just about wine. And a clear constitutional procedure for enjoying it.
Niles: Yes, only maybe this time the governing body could be bicameral.
Frasier: Well, I don't know, Niles, there is something to be said for the parliamentary system.
Niles: Well, either way we have to have a strong judiciary to keep it in check.
Frasier: God, I love wine.

Frasier: Corkmaster, members of the wine cabinet, esteemed brothers and sisters, I come here tonight with a heavy heart. You see, I am resigning from the wine club.
Niles: What? Frasier, this wouldn't have anything to do with my winning the election, would it?
Frasier: No, no, of course not, Niles. I couldn't be happier for you. You see, I've been afforded a marvelous opportunity to pass on what I've learned here to a much larger audience. Starting next week, I will be hosting a new feature on KACL, called "the Wine Corner," just at the end of Gil Chesterton's "Restaurant Beat." [applause] Thank you, thank you.
Reynolds: Can't you do both?
Frasier: Oh well, no. Regrettably no. You see, like this Camembert, I am at my most delicious when I'm not spread too thin. But this isn't goodbye by any stretch of the imagination. Please, I invite each and every one of you to call into my show, so that you can help me get Seattle hooked on our sometimes whimsical, always enlightened brand of discussion. But, I've taken enough time away from Niles. After all, this is his night. He has been elected Corkmaster of this fine club.
Niles: Thank you, Frasier. For a moment I thought you were settling in for a long farewell speech.
Reynolds: Second.
Frasier: All in favor?
Members: Aye!
Frasier: Well, if you insist. It was a short seven years ago, on a night very much like this one, a man had a dream...

Lance: [singsong] And we're out!
Kenny: Hi, Lance. This is Frasier, and this is Roz. She'll be producing the rest of the show.
Roz: Hi. [extends her hand]
Lance: Oh, my. [ignores it] Isn't that interesting?
Roz: Yes well, Frasier wants me to produce his segment of the show. We have to get the levels just right to accommodate the timbre of his voice.
Lance: Oh, my, my, my, isn't she the fusspot.
Frasier: Actually, it was my idea.
Lance: [singsong] That's who I was talking about.

Frasier: Listen, Gil, I-I hope you don't mind my doing this segment.
Gil: Oh, perish the thought. I'm ecstatic. As ecstatic as you would be if someone hijacked the last fifteen minutes of your show.

Frasier: Who else, Roz?
Roz: We have ten seconds, Frasier.
Frasier: In that case, this is Frasier Crane, reminding you that a great wine is like a great woman: always intoxicating, ever-surprising, and only getting better with age.
[As Roz enters Frasier's booth:]
Roz: Aw, do you really believe that?
Frasier: Oh, who cares, Roz? I stopped listening to myself ten minutes ago.

Gil: Huzzah, Frasier. I'm sure everyone who was listening is hitting the bottle as we speak. Well, Lance and I are going for a boys' night out.
Lance: Lock up your daughters!