Daphne: Rockford's on.
Martin: Not interested.
Daphne: Oh, come on, it looks like a good one. Tom Selleck's in it.
Martin: Oh, those are good. Not that I care.
Daphne: You know, I caught a few episodes at home, and I see the resemblance between you and a young Jim Rockford.
Martin: No, you don't.
Daphne: Yes, I do. No one gives him credit when he has a good idea. He likes to drive a little too fast...
Martin: He's got my chin. And he knows how to work the system, and the babes love him.

Frasier: Oh, Niles, you should see this place.
Niles: Be my eyes, Frasier.
Frasier: Well, it's just paradise. From the rare exotic orchids, to the trompe l'oeil sky, to the perfectly bubbled stream, to the...
Niles: To the what?
Frasier: There's a platinum door.
Niles: Platinum? Are you sure?
Frasier: Yes!
Niles: Is it guarded?
Frasier: No. It's just brazenly standing there.
Niles: Then rip the cucumbers from my eyes and let's go.

Frasier: Niles, this is heaven, right here and now. Why do we have think about someplace else?
Niles: This is only heaven to the people that can't get into the real heaven. The platinum heaven.
Frasier: Niles, why can't we be happy? Why must we allow the thought of something that at this point can only be incrementally better ruin what is here and now?
Niles: I don't know. Let's figure it out on the other side.
Frasier: No. I am through chasing the eternal carrot. Whatever is behind that door shall remain behind that door, unseen.

Frasier: Oh for God's sake, you can't even walk, you ninny. All right, all right. I will go just to take a peek.
Clerk: I'm sorry. Sir, you're not allowed through there. Please remain in the relaxation grotto.
Frasier: "Please remain... in the relaxation grotto"? Have crueler words ever been spoken? Well, that's it. I am determined to see where they think I don't belong.
Niles: Take me with you!

Roz: It's a spa. How much better could it be? I mean, are they gonna carry you around like a sultan? You gonna be massaged by supermodels? And what if you do get through the gold door? What next, the diamond door? And after that a titanium door? And after that a plutonium door!
Niles: Oh, that's ridiculous. Plutonium's radioactive, no one's going to make a door out of it.

[As Frasier carries Niles through the supposed "Platinum Door" of the spa:]
Frasier: [gasps] Niles! Healing warmth and light! It must be a magnificent solarium.
Niles: Goodbye sweet and edible facials, hello radiant life-givingsun!
[On the other side, which is revealed to be nothing more than an alley behind the spa:]
Niles: It's beautiful. It's beautiful.
Frasier: Yes. This is where we belong.
Niles: Do you smell garbage?
Frasier: Oh dear, Niles. I don't think this is part of the spa. [banging on the door] Hello! Hello! Anyone in the relaxation grotto!
Niles: Frasier, look at all those bees.
Frasier: Bees? Niles! Our sweet and edible facials! Run!

Martin: Ow! All right, all right, I'll talk! Just make the pain stop.
Daphne: Oh, shut up. I'm just trying to get the blood flowing.
Martin: Oh, more like make me hemorrhage.
Daphne: Don't tempt me.
Martin: Oh, God, you broke something!
Daphne: Too bad it wasn't your bloody pie hole! There, we're done, you big baby.
Martin: What, already? Oh, that felt great. Oh, I feel like a new man. I love your new table.

Martin: Oh, by the way, Daph, you know, they're showing the first-ever episode of Rockford today. If you're really serious about becoming an American citizen, maybe you ought to watch it.

Niles: Oh. La Porte d'Argent. Someone at the racquet club was talking about this. It's very, very exclusive.
Frasier: Yes?
Niles: That's all I know. Some ill-mannered person started up his blow dryer before I could hear any more.

Frasier: Urg, denied.
Niles: Oh. The allure of the Porte D'Argent has increased tenfold.
Frasier: All right, here's our plan. We go to the university computer lab, bribe some hungry hacker, and, once we've tapped into their mainframe, La Porte D'Argent will offer up her sweet secret like a blushing bride on her wedding night.
Martin: Why don't you just go down there and ask them what they do?
Frasier: All right, Dad, that's a "Plan B".