Frasier: Hello. Uh, is this La Porte D'Argent?
Receptionist: Yes, it is.
Frasier: Ah, good. Say, someone was asking me earlier today about La Porte D'Argent, and I had a difficult time characterizing it. What would you tell him?
Receptionist: We try to discourage word of mouth.
Frasier: That's exactly what I said.

Frasier: So, well, I'm here to take advantage of your offer.
Receptionist: Sure. Can I have your name, please?
Frasier: Yes. Frasier Crane.
Receptionist: I'm not finding you.
Frasier: Try Dr. Frasier Crane. Perhaps you've heard my popular radio show.
Receptionist: I'm not really a radio person.

Frasier: Niles, it's a day spa!
Niles: [deep voice:] Good gravy, this is fantastic!
Frasier: Would you stop talking like that? That's the worst impersonation of Cam Winston I've ever heard.
Niles: You've heard another one?
Frasier: Well, of course not.
Niles: Then it's the best.
Frasier: Now you're stuck talking like that all day.

Receptionist: Here are your keys, gentlemen. Your aestheticians will be with you shortly.
Frasier: Thank you.
Niles: [deep voice] Thank you. [clears throat, then speaks normally] Oh, I've been waiting for that all morning.

Frasier: Oh, Niles, the arovetic massage sounds splendid: two therapists at once, using hot stones and a blend of essential oils personally created for your dosha.
Niles: I think I'll have the aromatherapy Swedish.
Frasier: Oh, Niles, look at this bounty. Take a risk, be a man!
Niles: The chardonnay/rose hip salt glow?
Frasier: Now that's more like it.

Niles: I've never even heard of eyelash conditioner.
Frasier: Ah, hence the brittle lashes.

Clerk: I'm sorry. That area is restricted to our gold level members.
Niles: You have a gold level? How do you get in?
Clerk: You'd have to be on the list.
Frasier: Well, we are on the list.
Clerk: The gold list.
Frasier: This is absurd! I am a member of every exclusive club in this entire town. You must have a reciprocal membership with one of them.
Clerk: I'm sorry. But you're more than welcome to enjoy the many amenities of the silver level.
Frasier: And just how are we supposed to enjoy this!? [Frasier angrily sprays his face with the anti-stress spritz] And this isn't working!

Daphne: You never told me Rockford was Maverick.
Martin: Well, technically he isn't Maverick in this, he's Rockford. Even though we all know he's secretly Maverick.
Daphne: I can see why you like this show.
Martin: Yeah, what's not to like? Solving crimes, pretty girls, car chases...
Daphne: Leisure suits.
Martin: Yeah.

Niles: I had a nagging feeling the whole time they were holding something back on purpose.
Frasier: "Blended for your dosha," indeed. They wouldn't know my dosha if they fell over it.

Daphne: Well, you'll always be in my exclusive club, honey.
Niles: Oh, thanks. And that's all I need. [sitting down next to Frasier] There must be somebody who can get us in.
Frasier: Let's go comb our Rolodexes.
Niles: Yes, there has to be a way out of the slum they call the silver room. Why do I keep squeaking?