Gianni: Ray, you know, they got no alcohol here.
Ray: What do you mean? There's a bar right here.
Frank: You're supposed to bring your own liquor, dopey. We don't keep liquor here at the lodge.
Ray: You guys swim naked together. You- You're telling me there's no alcohol involved?
Frank: No. We lost our liquor license after Vinnie tried to shoot an owl with a flare gun.

Ray: Guys, I'm really glad you could come.
Hank: Well, Amy had a long talk with me, and she's asked me to make an effort with your family.
Peter: And I'm going to make an effort because I'm a Christian.

Stan: Hey, Ray, you wanna liven things up? I'll put in a call to Carol. She's a real favorite at these kind of events.
Hank: Oh my.
Ray: No, that's okay. Look, Stan, no strippers.
Hank: Good for you, Raymond.
Frank: No strippers?!
Crowd: No strippers? Come on!
Man: I had my boss pay me in singles!

Ray: Whoa! Wait, wait! You guys can't leave, man.
Bernie: No drinking? No strippers? I'm a married man! You can't do this to me!

Ray: Hey! Hey! Hey! What the hell is this?
Max: It's the banner you ordered. It's supposed to say "Congratulations, Robert."
Albert: I think on the phone you said "Woody."
Ray: No! No! Robert! "Congratulations, Robert." I can't use this!
Max: Well, we've got some balloons, but we can't blow 'em up.
Ray: Look. Just get something, we'll cover up the "Woody" part. Just get something, and we'll cover it up.
Robert: Hey, Ray. What's goin' on? Who's Woody?
Ray: You are.
Robert: What? [Gerard plays "He's a Jolly Good Fellow" on the accordion as Ray sings] Whoo-hoo! They were supposed to sing-along, but I forgot to tell 'em.
Robert: Wow! So all of these people are here for me?
Ray: Yeah. It's your, uh, surprise bachelor party. Surprise!

Robert: Wow! I had no idea! Thank you. You know, when Ma told me to come down here with a change of pants for Dad, I was prepared for the worst!
Ray: Yeah.
Robert: But you already had a party for me at my apartment.
Ray: Yeah, but that was lame. Or- Or the decoy. Or something. That was pretty good, right?
Garvin: He's coming!
Ray: Yeah, uh he's actually right here, Garvin.
Garvin: Oh. I saw him get out of the car... then I must've dozed off.

Robert: Wow, Raymond. So you did all of this for me? Yeah. The place looks great.
Ray: You like this?
Robert: Who wouldn't?
Ray: Well, that's great. I'm glad you're happy.
Robert: What are you saying, Raymond? You're glad that I'm happy?
Ray: Yeah. Actually, yeah.

Ray: Hey, hey, hey! Look who's here.
Hank: Hello, Robert. Congratulations.
Peter: Yeah, dude!
Robert: How are you? I gotta tell ya that you two came really means a lot to me.
Ray: Yeah, it's good. It's nice.

Ray: Hank, want some soda?
Hank: Actually, I never drink carbonated beverages.

Peter: Ray! Hey, happenin' party.
Ray: What the hell is wrong with you?
Peter: What?
Ray: Why would you say that to him?
Peter: I don't know what you're talking about. Dad? I think I'm getting one of my dizzy spells.
Do you think we could leave now?
Hank: But we just got here.
Peter: You know, Ray, I'd love to stay here and talk with you, but I am really getting lightheaded here. Is someone wearing a citrus-based cologne? Come on, Dad-
Ray: No, I want to talk to you.
Peter: Hey! Hey! Don't go all mafia on me here, okay?