Debra: Hey, Ray.
Ray: [holding up a fork] Hey, Debra, look at this.
Debra: What?
Ray: You're in jail.
Debra: Going on 10 years now.

Ray: See this picture, Dad? It's a picture of me in hell. My seven-year-old daughter drew it because her grandpa told her that's where her father's going to hell! What kind of a mind does that?!
Frank: Mmm, this cake almost makes marriage bearable. [Ray takes the slice of cake] Hey!
Ray: Why did you tell her that?
Frank: I never told her you were going there. She asked me what happens to people who don't go to church. I said, "They go to hell, sweetie." She must have put two and two together. Smart kid.
Ray: Go over there right now and tell her that I'm not going to hell!
Frank: You know, I would love to, but I don't make the rules.

Ray: Mom, I don't want him telling-
Frank: Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing? Are you talking to my wife?
Ray: What?
Frank: Don't talk to my wife.
Ray: All right, all right, Dad, don't be cute.
Frank: Hey, hey, hey, hey, you wanna be like that? You don't talk to her. Only I talk to her! [to Marie] Hello, sweetheart, how are you?
Marie: Oh, I'm fine, but I have a thing with my-
Ray: Oh, stop it, Mom! He doesn't care how you are!
Frank: Hey! You're talking to her. Stop talking to her.
Marie: No, it's all right, Frank. He can talk to me. Unless you wanna talk to me some more. I liked it.
Frank: I was just making a point.

Ray: Okay, all right. Why do you go, Miss Holy Moly?
Debra: Why do I go?
Ray: Yeah.
Debra: I go you know, to thank God for you and the kids, and to pray for the strength to get through another week with you and the kids.
Ray: Okay, all right.
Debra: No, no, really. I go to get re-energized, to be part of something that's bigger than me and my little problems. You know, it reminds me that I'm not the be-all and end-all. There's something out there that's greater than me.
Ray: Why do you have to have an answer for everything?
Debra: And you know what else? I like the feeling of community, the tradition. And I think that's what's bugging your father. You know, he wanted to pass his faith onto you. It's probably the only valuable thing that he thinks he can give you, and you've rejected it.

Frank: Hey, you working the church carnival next weekend?
Stan: Yeah, my wife signed me up for the dunking booth again. She loves seeing me wet.
Garvin: Hey, Ray is here! [cheers]
Ray: And also with you.

Frank: All right, boys, count 'em up.
Garvin: Hey, Frank, get a load of Rosa and Kelly today?
Frank: With the low-cut thing? I almost gave her a dollar.
Stan: Praise the Lord!
Frank: Ah, looks like I'm ahead here, boys. Ooh, look at this, a $50 bill. Someone did something to somebody!

Ray: Hold it, hold it. This is it? This is what you do every Sunday?
Frank: What?
Ray: This, this, laughing and talking about women and betting on who collected the most money? Isn't this where Jesus is supposed to come in and turn this table over?
Frank: Since when did you start wearing sandals? [Garvin laughs]
Ray: You're so full of it, Dad, you know? Acting all high and mighty, telling me I'm gonna burn in you-know-where. And this is it, this is what you want to pass on to me? Your little sportsmen's lodge? You know what, forget it, I'm not going to church, okay? 'Cause I don't need your hypocrisy.
Stan: Hypocrisy!
Garvin: Oh, hypocrisy!
Frank: Who are you to judge? There's no hypocrisy. I made a commitment to the Lord, and I'm here every Sunday helping. You want to break your commitment to your family, to Father Hubley and to God, go right ahead. Don't worry, it's a dry heat.

Ray: Fine, all right. I'm not gonna break my commitment. I said I'm coming every week, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. Not only that, I would like to volunteer to be an usher.
Frank: What?
Ray: I wanna be an usher. Come on, Dad. That would be great. You and me, we could usher together.
Frank: You wanna be an usher like your old man? [Garvin laughs]
Ray: What? What? What's so funny?
Stan: You know how long the waiting list is? It took me 20 years to become an usher!
Ray: Oh, well, I could be a fill-in guy, for when somebody gets sick. [to Garvin] You don't look so good.
Frank: Sorry, kid, I promised that to your brother.
Ray: Oh, I hate that guy.

Marie: Hi, Raymond, you hungry? Have some cake.
Ray: I don't want any cake!
Marie: We have whipped cream.
Frank: How about this, Marie? Your son doesn't want me talking to my own grandchildren.
Marie: Oh?
Ray: That isn't what I said.
Frank: I'll talk to anyone I want any time I want.
Marie: Unfortunately, Raymond, this is America.

Ally: How come Daddy never has to go to church?
Debra: I don't know, why don't you ask Daddy?
Ray: [mouth full] Daddy has to work, honey.
Debra: See? He's eating his business lunch.
Ray: I am working. There's a big game on today.
Debra: I thought it didn't start until 1:00.
Ray: Okay, yeah, but there's a pregame. Look, I don't tell you how to do your job, right?