Debra: I can't believe how your whole family protects Frank! You know? He's got everybody so intimidated. Good for you, Robert, for giving him that ticket.
Ray: Yeah, well, he's just giving him a warning.
Robert: Well, I can't live over here forever. Can I?
Ray: No.
Robert: Then it's just a warning!
Ray: Wuss!
Debra: Okay, okay! You know, he's right. At least Robert stood up to Frank. You, on the other hand, would put your own children in jeopardy just to avoid an embarrassing conversation.
Ray: Hey, our kids are not in jeopardy. How do we know Robert isn't the one who caused that accident?
Robert: It's liver week again!

Frank: Who wants to go to the Happy Zone?
Ally: I do!
Frank: Then get in the car. And I hope your Dad gave you some quarters 'cause I'm not the bank.

Debra: Ray? Ray? Ray? Ray wants to drive.
Ray: I didn't say that!
Debra: Okay, fine. I'll go to the Happy Zone.
Ray: They may not let you in with that attitude.

Debra: Okay, Mommy's driving.
Frank: Then why the hell am I going?
Debra: Because it will be fun! It'll give us all a chance to spend more time together!
Marie: I thought the point was to give you a day off? Not that I ever got a day off.
Frank: You can take off anytime.
Marie: That's it. I'm riding with Debra.
Frank: Then who's going with me?
Debra: All right! Marie, you take my car and drive the kids. I'll ride with Frank. I want to talk to him anyway.
Ray: All right! Look! I'll drive with my father, okay? You go with Debra and the kids in our car and this way there doesn't need to be any talking.
Marie: Why are you going?
Ray: Why? Because I shouldn't miss out on the happiness.

Frank: [horn honks]
Ray: Dad, it's 7:00 A.M. What the hell are you doing?
Frank: Let's go! My test is at 7:30!
Ray: What? What test?
Frank: At the DMV! I gotta take the stupid test again and they got some rule about going with a licensed driver!
Ray: I'm not going now! [Frank honks the horn again] Hey! Stop it!
Man: [o.s.] Barone, you stupid ass!
Ray: Hey, I'm on it! I got it! I got it! All right, Dad! I'm coming, shut up.

Frank: Driving test. Next thing I know, they'll have me take a walking test.
Ray: Stop sign.
Frank: Breathing test.
Ray: Stop sign.
Frank: Bathroom test.
Ray: Stop sign, Dad!
Frank: What?!
Ray: What are you doing? You went through a stop sign!
Frank: That's called a rolling stop! What? There was nobody coming. Saves the brakes!
Ray: Yeah, tell that to your instructor. You know what he'll give you? A bus pass!

Ray: Dad! [car brakes]
Frank: Don't yell at me!
Ray: You were going to hit that guy! You didn't see him?
Frank: I saw him! He stopped short.
Ray: No he didn't, Dad!
Frank: He's at a light! You were talking to me! How am I suppose to think and drive at the same time?
Ray: Yeah, right. Right.
Frank: Green light, Dad. I know! [a car honks] Oh, excuse me. I forgot to signal.

Frank: Where's Ally? The movie starts in half an hour.
Ray: What movie?
Frank: I told Ally I'd take her to the new piece of animated crap.
Robert: Oh, it's not crap, Dad. It's good. You know, I mean, it's no "Little Mermaid," but, uh... Amy wanted to go.

Ally: Hi, Grandpa!
Frank: Hey, sweetheart. Go get your raincoat.
Ray: Really raining, huh?
Frank: Yeah.
Ray: Hey, maybe I'll go with you?
Frank: You wanna go?
Ray: Yeah. Yeah, I like those movies, you know? Plus, it's the matinee, right? We get the matinee price? Hey, Rob, you mind watching the twins till Debra gets home?
Robert: Sure.
Ray: Yeah, okay.
Frank: Hey, Ray? Here. [throws keys]
Ray: You giving me these?
Frank: You're driving. You got a problem with that? That way I'll have both hands free for signaling.

Frank: Hey, you're paying for the movie.
Ray: Okay. Don't worry about it.
Frank: And I want lots of candy!
Ray: It's gonna ruin your dinner, though. Now don't jump in the puddles!