Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother had a sling, while my father had ch-ching.
Tonya: What's this?
Julius: I've got a fun project for you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father was famous for his fun projects.
[flashback: Chris and Drew are spraying asbestos in the attic:]
Julius: Isn't this fun?
Chris: What is this stuff anyway?
Julius: Asbestos. We're gonna save a lot of money on heat this year.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I had a hundred dollars saved, and I had to get the rest or my chance to see Run-DMC was gonna be G-O-N-E.
Chris: So, Dad, can I borrow a hundred dollars until my scholarship money arrives?
Julius: That depends. Can I borrow it back two seconds later? For what?
Chris: Books.
Julius: But Mr. Omar gave you a scholarship. What, he can't give you the books?
Chris: I get $250.
Julius: Wow. They got any more scholarships around here?
Chris: I don't know.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The Future Crackheads of America had a scholarship, but they used that up on Flavor Flav.

Greg: So you want to be a funeral director?
Chris: No, I just want to see Run-DMC.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Duh!

Mr. Omar: Now, look, I need you to collate these, fold these, take both of them, slide them into here, okay? I need you to iron that shirt, take the suit to the cleaners, shine my shoes, get me a paper on the corner... I got a lotta more stuff for you to do later. Oh, the Death Jubilee is all day tomorrow, so get your rest.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You mean get your rest in peace.
Chris: Now when you think I'll be done?
Mr. Omar: Oh, you should be done by Tuesday.
Chris: Tuesday? But I have somewhere to go on Monday.
Mr. Omar: Go on Tuesday.
Chris: I can't.
Mr. Omar: Tragic.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Not as tragic as missing Run-DMC.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] At the Death Jubilee, I was beginning to realize that the BFD was a bunch of BS.
Mr. Rosenberg: Hey, Omar, the scholarship idea? Genius.
Mr. Omar: Hey, I could never afford to come to this convention before 'cause it cost so much for help.
Mr. Rosenberg: But you call it a scholarship and you get help for less than half the price. [chuckling]

Mr. Rosenberg: I'm not kidding you. We went out. She's a firecracker. Almost gave me a heart attack.
Mr. Omar: I told you not to mess with her.
Mr. Rosenberg: Well, her husband was on bed rest for a year. What can you expect?
Mr. Colletti: I didn't expect that. [all laughing]
Mr. Omar: Hey, tragic. [laughing]

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Back at home, my mother found that taking it easy was gonna be harder than she thought.
[montage:]
Drew: Hey, Mom, how do you fold this?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] With your hands, dummy.
Tonya: Hey, Mom, can you clean burnt spaghetti sauce with bleach?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If you want to die.
Drew: [o.s.] Hey, Mom!
Tonya: [o.s.] Mom...!
Drew: [o.s.] Ma..!
Tonya: [o.s.] Mom!

Chris: Hey.
Mr. Omar: Oh, did you pass out the pamphlets?
Chris: Yeah...
Mr. Omar: Only to the pretty ones?
Chris: Yeah. So, you're supposed to be telling me about your business?
Mr. Omar: What you want to know?
Chris: Well, what made you want to work with dead people?
Mr. Omar: You see, there's something you need to know about the funeral business. It's not about servicing the dead. It's about comforting the living. And some of the living need a little more comforting than others. Go out to the truck, get us some pamphlets. I'll be right back.

Julius: Honey, how much longer you gonna be in that sling?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Until we run out of bread.
Rochelle: I don't know, Julius. As soon as I'm healed and fully recovered, I'll let you know. Ow!

Adult Chris: [v.o.] By the time I finished cleaning those coffins, I almost needed one, but it was worth it because come tomorrow, I was gonna have the time of my life.