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Everybody Hates the Bachelor Pad

‘Everybody Hates the Bachelor Pad’

Season 3, Episode 5 - Aired October 29, 2007

When his family comes down with the flu, Chris welcomes some privacy when he stays upstairs with Mr. Omar.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] When I was 15, the only thing I wanted more than a girlfriend was to have some privacy. I didn't have a room to myself, somebody was always home, and even when I was supposed to be alone... somebody was there.
[While Tonya and Rochelle are brushing their teeth and using mouthwash, Chris is in the shower... and so are Drew and Julius.]

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Quote from Chris

Chris: Sometimes I hate going home. It's like I can never be alone.
Tasha: Me, too. Every time I turn around, my grandma's right there. She thinks "alone" is something you get at a bank.
Chris: Whenever I turn around, my whole family is right there.
Tasha: What would you do if you had privacy?
[fantasy: Chris is wearing a red satin robe, smoking a pipe and is next to attractive women and a monkey]
Chris: Nothing much, just do whatever I want, whenever I want. I can't wait till I get my own place.
Tasha: Well, my grandma has the flu, and I have to make her some hot toddies.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Hot toddies are sick people's happy hour. Who cares about the flu when you're drunk?

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] All I knew about Mr. Omar was that he liked dead men and live women. So, I didn't know what to expect.
Mr. Omar: All right, now, Chris, there's a few things you need to understand. Phone rings, you take a message. Don't go looking for nothing you ain't supposed to find. And most importantly, I need my privacy. So, you stay out of my way, and I stay out of yours. Deal?
Chris: Deal.
Mr. Omar: Good. I'll be back later, so you're on your own.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Now all I needed was six White girls and a monkey.

Quote from Chris

Bernard Lao: So, Chris, you got your own place?
Chris: Yeah, do you?
Bernard Lao: Oh, yeah, I got a flat in the city.
Greg: Where's your parents?
Bernard Lao: Is that your business? [Greg hides in his locker] So, where's your place, Chris?
Chris: Upstairs at my parents' house.
Bernard Lao: Dude, that's not your own place. That's the attic. Oh, and I have a quiz tomorrow on chapter seven. Either I pass it, or it's your ass.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It's not my ass's fault you suck at math.

Quote from Adult Chris

Rochelle: Girl, you are burning up. This is bad.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It was a big deal for Tonya to have the flu, because she never got sick. Not even when we got polio.
[fantasy: Tonya dances in the street which eating an ice cream as Julius, Rochelle and Drew rely on crutches to walk, and Chris slumps in a wheelchair]

Quote from Chris

Mr. Omar: Are you going to be okay?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Even though I had never been on my own before, it was my first chance to have some real privacy, and I wasn't going to pass it up.
Chris: Yeah, I'll be fine.
Mr. Omar: Good. Don't forget to lock up after you leave. Oh... [sighs] let's keep this between you and me, okay? I wouldn't want your parents to find out I left you here alone.
Chris: No problem.
Mr. Omar: Aren't you supposed to be at school or something?
Chris: Yeah, I don't have to leave till, like, 7:30. What time is it?
Mr. Omar: 8:45.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] 8:45 was a quarter past late as hell.

Quote from Julius

Rochelle: Oh, good Lord! Man, what's in this stuff? Turpentine?
Julius: Don't be silly. It's strawberry turpentine. [brew bubbling] Ah, that's working.

Quote from Tonya

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Tonya went from healthy kid to guinea pig.
Tonya: Eww, it stinks!
Drew: Smells like feet.
Rochelle: Be quiet, boy.
Julius: I know it smells bad, but if you drink it, you'll feel better.
Tonya: Why don't you drink it?
Rochelle: But, baby, we only had enough ingredients for your daddy to make one dose, and since you're the sickest, it's yours.
Drew: And you are still sick, aren't you?
Tonya: [coughs] [whimpers] [gags as she drinks the remedy]
Julius: Yeah, you'll feel better in no time.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Especially since there was nothing wrong with her in the first place.

Quote from Chris

Tasha: Hey, Chris, what's wrong?
Chris: My whole family's got the flu.
Tasha: That's too bad. Are you okay?
Chris: Yeah, 'cause I'm staying at Mr. Omar's.
Tasha: For real?
Chris: Yeah, he's staying over at a friend's, so I have the whole place to myself.
Tasha: I wish I could get away from my grandma.
Chris: Do you like Richard Pryor?
Tasha: I love Richard Pryor. But I'm not allowed to watch him.
Chris: That's too bad because Mr. Omar... he has one of his concert tapes.
Tasha: He does?
Chris: I was going to ask if can come watch it with me, but I don't want to get you in trouble.
Tasha: I can come.
Chris: You can?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I learned early on that the best way to get a girl into trouble is to tell her you don't want to get her into trouble.
Tasha: Yeah, I'll meet you around 8:00.
Chris: Okay.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I had a place, I had a girl, I had a smile so wide that you could see it from behind.

Quote from Risky

James: Man, I brought home a Richard Pryor album, my mother wouldn't even let me in the house.
Monk: What you know about Richard Pryor, youngblood?
James: I know he's funnier than you.
All: Whoa!
Manny: Let me tell you something, youngblood. [removes a knife] You ain't too young to meet the executioner.
James: You sure you wanna do that? [removes a knife]
Risky: Whoa! Hey, hey, hey! The only thing we cut here is hair. All right?
Kill Moves: Show him what I taught you. Show him. Show him!

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