Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I had a job to do, my sister was going to work.
Rochelle: Now, you remember what I told you, Tonya, right?
Tonya: What happens in the beauty shop stays in the beauty shop.
Rochelle: That's my girl. Now, women need to know this is a place where they can come and say anything they want.
Tonya: Got it.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Like every White basketball player who makes the NBA, I had to find Black friends. I tried Black guys.
Guy: Uh man, where you get those clothes? Looking like page 32 of the Sears catalog. Hey, where's your football?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Page 49. I tried tender-headed Black girls.
[Chris braids a girl's hair]
Girl: Ow! Ow! [hits Chris] Stupid!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I even tried the Black Student Union.
White Muslim Kid: You've been hoodwinked! You've been had! You've been took! You've been led astray! Run amok! You have been bamboozled!
Black Kid: [to the guy sitting next to him] Hey! Get your hand out of my pocket!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Rest in peace, Talcum X.

Team Manager: I hate these guys! I frickin' hate them! All of them! Why did I ever take this job? Huh? You have to be crazy, have no friends, no prospects, and no reason to believe that your life could be any better than to be tormented and hated every day!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Sounds like the perfect job for me.
Team Manager: I quit!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Football team manager was a horrible job, but if it was going to get me away from Mr.
Thurman, I'd work for the devil himself.
Thurman: What's going on out here?
Chris: You're the coach?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Make that the White devil himself.

Chris: Who's that?
Thurman: That's Walter Dickerson, our star running Black.
Chris: "Back."
Thurman: Hmm?
Chris: Huh?
Thurman: What? What?
Chris: Nothing.

Thurman: Give me one good reason why I should let you be team manager.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Because the last guy quit.
Chris: Because I'm the only one here.
Thurman: Don't be a smartass.

Ms. Morello: Well, Chris, you did it. I thought you had about as much chance of working with the football team as Boy George does of joining Quiet Riot, but you did it!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And oddly enough, so did Boy George.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My new homeroom was a war zone with no general in charge.
Teacher: Okay, settle down.
Chris: You just going to sit there?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? I'm a teacher, not riot control.
Adult Chris: [v.o.]We needed Morgan Freeman with a bat!
Chris: You could say something.
Teacher: I said, "Settle down." You got a better idea?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Rubber bullets?
Chris: Yeah. You could- [gets hit in the head with a textbook]

Adult Chris: [v.o.] After five minutes in my new homeroom, I learned being in a class with Mr. Thurman would require character. Being in a class without him required stitches.

Thurman: What the hell you doing back in here? I thought I was done with you.
Chris: I asked Miss Morello if I could come back.
Thurman: For what? You wanted out. I wanted you out. You're out. Your work here is done. Come on, get the hell out of here. Go, go.
Chris: No. I'm staying.
Thurman: Why?
Chris: See, if we're gonna be working together, why should I avoid you? So whatever you got, bring it. I might as well get used to it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Translation: You might not like me, but those other guys tried to kill me.
Thurman: What are you, special, hmm? A big-shot? Don't you eye-ball me. I eye-ball you. Sit down. Aah! Up front. You wanted my attention, you got it! I'll deal with that.

Gloria: Vanessa, you need to talk to that little girl. You think I don't know I got a mole?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Holy moley!
Gloria: I know I got a mole.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Does your mole know about your mustache?