Adult Chris: [v.o.] Being stood up was bad enough, so I didn't want to tell anybody.
Doc: Hey. Listen, you ever hear of Whodini?
Chris: Ecstasy and Jalil? Yeah.
Doc: Yeah, I got a couple of tickets. I thought the show was about the magician. You want 'em?
Chris: Yeah.
Doc: Maybe you can take your girl.
Chris: I don't think so.
Doc: Why not?
Chris: She stood me up. I was standing outside the theater for two hours and she never shed up.
Doc: What? You gonna let her treat you that way and get away with it? Listen, if I was you, I'd go find that girl, take her by the hair and shake her like an Etch-A-Sketch.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Doc lives alone.

Chris: What?
Doc: That girl is not interested in you. She's interested in your tickets.
Chris: Think so?
Doc: She's an opportunist. She goes with whoever has the best deal. She only agreed to go out with you because she didn't have anything better to do. That's how I ended up married for three years.
Chris: I don't think Yvette's like that.
Doc: Want to make a bet?

Julius: Whoa, whoa, Baby, that's nine cent worth of tape.
Louise Clarkson: Hi, Julius. So sorry about your truck.
Julius: I can't believe they stole it right off the street. It was right here.
Louise Clarkson: Right here?
Julius: Right here.
Louise Clarkson: Next to the fire hydrant?
Julius: Oh. They must have just put that there.
Louise Clarkson: Well, it probably wouldn't have happened if it had had a sticker on it. [smiles]
Julius: I like her. [off Rochelle's look] What?

Drew: So, you miss Keisha?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You mean do I miss being rejected, ignored and humiliated?
Chris: Yeah, sort of.
Drew: Why don't you just hang out with somebody else?
Chris: I don't like anyone else.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And nobody else liked me.

Chris: Hey, who's that?
Drew: That's just Yvette. She lives around the corner.
Chris: You know, she's kind of cute.
Drew: Man, you don't want to mess with her.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The first girl you ever like is always tough to get over. She holds a special place in your heart. So I decided to lower my standards.
Drew: I heard she'll go out with anybody.
Chris: Really?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Now that's my kind of girl.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Our new next door neighbor was Louise Clarkson. She hated our neighborhood, and was intent on doing something about it.
Louise Clarkson: Well, I can see we're both very busy, so I'll just get to the point. I'm starting a neighborhood block watch.
Rochelle: Why do we need a block watch?
Louise Clarkson: In case you haven't noticed, crime is running rampant in this neighborhood.
Rochelle: No, it's not. This block is fine.
Louise Clarkson: Burglaries are up, assaults, murders. Is that fine?
Rochelle: I don't know what block, you've been on, but this block is okay, but thank you for stopping by.
Louise Clarkson: Well, thank you. Uh, something on your teeth. I'll see myself out.
Rochelle: Okay.
Louise Clarkson: Love the couch.
Rochelle: [to herself] Neighborhood block watch.

Rochelle: And besides, how do you expect people to fight crime when they're hungry?
Julius: How do you expect me to feed people when I'm broke?
Rochelle: Huh, what you say?
Julius: You smell smoke?

Louise Clarkson: Excuse me? Excuse you.
Vanessa: Who are you?
Louise Clarkson: Who are you?
Rochelle: Oh, girl, that's Louise. She just moved in next-
Louise Clarkson: I beg your pardon. I'm sitting right here. I'm Louise. I just moved in next door, and this was my idea. By the way, in my old neighborhood, we didn't have these problems.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She told her.
White Cop: Where are you from?
Louise Clarkson: Queens.
White Cop: Oh, Queens. Very lovely there. Do you know the Jacobsons?
Louise Clarkson: The Black Jacobs?
White Cop: No, the White ones.
Louise Clarkson: The ones with the restaurant?
White Cop: Yeah.
Rochelle: Excuse me, can we talk about this neighborhood, Brooklyn?
White Cop: All right.
Louise Clarkson: Touchy.

White Cop: All right, now, you need to elect a Block Watch captain.
Louise Clarkson: [chuckles] Okay. All right. I think I should be the Block Watch captain.
Rochelle: And why is that?
Louise Clarkson: Well, because I'm the only one on the block who doesn't need watching.
Rochelle: No. It was my husband's truck that got stolen.
Louise Clarkson: Yes, well, if you had done what I asked you to do, which was start the neighborhood...
Rochelle: See, the problem is, you're new to the neighborhood, okay? So, I don't know how they do it in Queens...

White Cop: All right, all in favor?
Rochelle: You like my pie?
All: Aye.
White Cop: The ayes have it.
Louise Clarkson: I came up with this idea. I don't see why I am not the Block Watch captain.
White Cop: Because we voted, and the pie lady won.
Louise Clarkson: Okay, fine. Now when you all come home to your apartments, and there's nothing there except a pie, we all know who to talk to. The Block Watch captain, and we'll say, "Where were you, Block Watch Captain?" She'll say, "I've been making pie."
Rochelle: I do not talk like that.