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Everybody Hates Houseguests

‘Everybody Hates Houseguests’

Season 3, Episode 7 -  Aired November 12, 2007

Chris's friendship with Greg is put to the test when he stays over with Chris and the family. Meanwhile, Julius has an eventful cross-country trip when he starts driving a taxi.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Oh, Chris, your dad wanted to remind you to take the garbage out.
Chris: Already did.
Rochelle: What's wrong, baby?
Chris: Well, Ma, it's just that...
Rochelle: No, not you, baby. I was talking to Greg. What's wrong?
Greg: [sighs] I had to get up so early, and it took so long to get to school, I feel a little rundown.
Rochelle: Oh, well, I'm sorry you feel that way, Greg. You want Chris to run you a hot bath?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] A hot bath? She wouldn't let me use hot water to make hot water.
Chris: I am not running him a bath.
Rochelle: Chris, be nice, okay? Greg has had a long day.
Greg: Um, that's okay. It's about time for bed.
Rochelle: Okay. Well, good night, boys.

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Quote from Greg

Chris: What I'm trying to say is, you've been here for the past four days, and I'm getting tired of doing everything for you.
Greg: You know what? Nobody asked you to do anything for me. I don't want you to do anything for me. At least that way, I won't have to hear your mouth.
Chris: Cool.
Greg: Cool! [snores]

Quote from Chris

Rochelle: Good morning, baby. Where's Greg? His frittata's ready.
Chris: Oh, upstairs.
Rochelle: Oh, well, I got to go, okay? So make sure you clean off the table and lock up, 'cause I got to be in early, and tell Greg I said bye.
Chris: Okay. [to a sleeping Greg] Bye.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Since Greg didn't want me to do anything, that's exactly what I did.

Quote from Julius

Julius: This is it.
Eddie: Yeah, this is it. And... here's your thousand dollars.
Julius: Oh. [chuckles]
Eddie: Julius, I really want to thank you for getting me out of a jam.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] A ten-to-20-year jam.

Quote from Julius

[When cop cars surround Julius's cab, Eddie points his gun at Julius]
Julius: Hey, wh-what's going on?
Police Officer: [over bullhorn] Come out with your hands up!
Eddie: Look, before you picked me up, I robbed a bank.
Julius: Robbed a bank?!
Eddie: Yeah, and every other place we stopped since we left Jersey.
Julius: What are you doing, man?!
Eddie: I'm sorry it had to come to this, Julius, but I cannot go back to jail. [shouts] You'll never take me alive!
Julius: No, no, no, no, no! Take me alive! Please, take me alive!
Police Officer: Out of the cab!

Quote from Julius

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile in Las Vegas, my father rolled the dice trying to reason with a madman.
Julius: Eddie, you got to give up, man. The cops are gonna start shooting.
Eddie: Oh, I got a plan for that. I'm gonna use your body as a shield.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's the first time a woman ever made a man put a gun down.

Quote from Adult Chris

Julius: Here you go, Officer. I know you need to take this in as evidence.
Police Officer: Freeze! You're under arrest.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] No, they need to take you in as evidence.

Quote from Greg

Greg's Grandmother: Why didn't you tell me they were Negroes? It's okay, but I would've appreciated a little warning.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I always thought that Greg was lucky because he had lots of toys, a nice allowance and freedom. But Greg showed me that I had the most important thing a person can have: a family.

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