Jenny: Hey, guys. Not thinking of entering, are you?
Michelle: We might be.
Jenny: [to Aisling] That's cute.
Aisling: So cute.
Erin: Oh, bring it on, bitches.

Gabriel: It was hard for my daughter, everyone knowing our business and stuff.
Mary: So... She left your daughter behind?
Gabriel: Yeah.
Mary: And you're raising her?
Gabriel: Yeah.
Joe: That must be tough, son.
Gabriel: It's a privilege, Joe.
Gerry: Oh, come on.

Mary: This is Gabriel, our new plumber. This is our daughter, Erin.
Erin: Well, hello there.
Gabriel: Well, hello, Erin. And what age are you? [boops her on the nose]
Erin: Not five?
Michelle: I knew it was too good to be true.

Michelle: I think the best thing we could do is just to get the routine on its feet.
Erin: I agree.
Michelle: I know we're gonna smash this, girls. We are gonna lift that trophy. We are gonna perform live on the motherfucking BBC and we're gonna wipe that smile off Jenny Joyce's stupid face.

Gabriel: Come on, Mary.
Michelle: I can't, Gabriel.
Gabriel: No-one needs to find out.
Mary: No, look, look, it's not like I'm not flattered.
Gabriel: You call me when you change your mind.
Mary: When? You're sure of yourself.
Gabriel: I know how to get what I want. [exits]

Erin: It's not my fault your choreography is pedestrian, Michelle.
Michelle: Kiss my actual hole, Erin.
James: Look, I think we all just need to calm down.
Michelle: Piss off, James!
Orla: OK, that, is it? I'm going solo.

[Clare bangs on the door and starts doing charades]
Michelle: Oh, Christ, here we go.
Erin: Screwdriver.
James: Um, bell. Apron.
Michelle: Fanny. Big fanny? Fanny pain.
Clare: The plumber was trying to get off with Erin's ma. The plumber was trying to get off with Erin's ma, and now I need to give all of my sponsorship money back.
James: We're gonna need more details, Clare.
Clare: I saw them together in the hall. He was whispering things to her, you know, suggestive things.
Erin: My ma? He was coming onto my ma? What is he, some sort of reverse paedophile?

Erin: Hey, gang. Ready to do this thing?
James: Erin, we're just a bit worried.
Erin: Don't be. We are going to smash it out there.
James: I don't mean the performance. I mean, I'm also worried about the performance. I've been having recurring nightmares about the performance.
Clare: About last night, Erin...
Michelle: Your ma and the plumber.
James: Maybe you should speak to her, Erin.
Erin: And say what? How could you do it? How could you betray Daddy like that? How could you make me doubt everything I ever thought I knew? Who even are you, Mammy? And shimmy.

Father Peter: Let's welcome our first contestant, Miss Tina O'Connell. Hello, there, Tina.
Tina: All right?
Father Peter: Now, you've been a fan of this artist for some time. Is that correct?
Tina: Aye.
Father Peter: Great stuff. Now, we'll give a few clues about that person in just a moment. Now, I believe you first realised you sounded like this person when you were in the bath.
Tina: Aye.
Father Peter: Would you like to tell us about that?
Tina: I was singing in the bath and my ma heard me and she said, "Tina, you sound a bit like Meat Loaf."
Father Peter: There's no, need for the clues now, Tina, is there? Who are you gonna be tonight, Tina?
Tina: Tonight, Father...
Father Peter: Matthew.
Tina: Tonight, Father Matthew...
Father Peter: No, just Matthew, like in the show. Seen the show, haven't you, Tina?
Tina: Tonight, Matthew, I'm going to be Meat Loaf.

Mary: I'm not having an affair with Gabriel!
Gabriel: Just tell them the truth, Mary.
Gerry: Oh, should she, now? You absolute bastard! [attacks Gabriel] Prick!
Gabriel: Hey, that's enough of that now. Stop it!
Gerry: Make me!
Joe: If one of you doesn't hit the other one soon... I'll knock the pair of you out.
Orla: Do it, Granda!