Lilith: Frasier, for the last time, are you going to accompany me and Frederick to my great-uncle's birthday celebration or not?
Frasier: Lilith, the man is going to be 98. He won't know whether I'm there or not. You could introduce him to a chair. You'd get the same dim flicker of recognition.
Lilith: Frasier, that is unkind. My uncle has all his faculties intact.
Frasier: Yes. Which explains why whenever he sees me he calls me "Colonel" and breaks into a rousing chorus of "Over There."

Mitch Ganzell: I'm serious. Heck, I'm not that old. To be honest with you, I really miss the game. Anyway, tryouts are tomorrow. I'm goin' for it. What do you think, Sam? Am I really crazy?
Sam: No! You're not crazy. You kiddin' me? You're fantastic. If anyone can make a comeback, it's you. You were the best. Excuse me a second. Carla, uh get Mitch a drink on the house. Better make it a big glass of reality.

Frasier: Well, Whiskers, this is Cheers. Cheers, this is Whiskers.
Cliff: So, uh, Doc living the old carefree bachelor life, huh? [laughs] Yeah. Yeah, I betcha with your wife away, if you wanted to, you could, uh do a little, uh swinging, eh?
Frasier: Yes. There's nothing young women find more attractive than a middle-aged man with a rat in a cage.
Cliff: I hear you, Doc.

Woody: Hello, Miss Howe. You know, with, uh, Sam on the road playing pro ball, I guess it's between you and me as to who gets to run the bar. Of course, the only experience I have is that I've been the assistant bartender here for the past six years.
Rebecca: Well, I will let my record speak for itself.
Woody: Yes!

Mitch Ganzell: Oh, my arm, my arm! My arm! My arm!
Frasier: Relax, I'm a doctor. Just remain still. Try not to move. Now tell me exactly what happened.
Mitch Ganzell: I saw a rat and I fell down the stairs.
Frasier: A rat?! Where?! Whiskers! Whiskers!

Norm: Listen, uh, do me a favor, will you? Will you, uh, press one of those levers there and see what happens, will ya?
Paul: It isn't some kind of trick or something, is it?
Cliff: Oh!
Norm: What?
Paul: Hey, I got a peanut. Thanks, guys.
Cliff: Which, uh, lever did he press?
Norm: I thought you were watching.
Cliff: Aw, it's probably... Ah!

Sam: That's my friend Carla Tortelli. My roommate Slim.
Slim: Hey. Nice to meet you.
Carla: You, too, Slim.
Slim: Say, by the way, bunch of us are going out for beer and pizza, you know, get a little wild, do a little partying? You interested?
Carla: Oh, thanks, but I'm here to visit my friend Sammy.

Carla: Oh, they seem like a fun bunch, huh, Sam?
Sam: Oh, they're the best, yeah. That's... That's baseball. That's what it's all about. And God, I hate it so much. Get me out of here, Carla, please!
Carla: What are you talking about?
Sam: Who am I kidding? I hate this! I mean, they, they throw pillows! They snap their towels! And that's not funny. That's just dangerous. Did you see that one guy pat my butt? I mean, that's not right.

Carla: Come on. Hey, Sammy, lighten up!
Sam: Hey, hey, cut it out, will you? This thing's got zippers!
Carla: What is wrong with you?!
Sam: Nothing's wrong with me, Carla. I'm fine. It's just... I don't think I like baseball anymore. You know, it's a, it's a kids' game now. And I'm not a kid anymore. You know, I thought it was gonna be like old times. You know, that's the problem. It, it was exactly like old times. You know, I've done all this stuff before. It's just not me.