Cliff: Looks like Sammy's heading for trouble.
Norm: Yeah, looks like kind of a fun trip, though, doesn't it?

Rebecca: Carla, did you have the soft drinks delivered to Mrs. Ridgeway's house for the party tomorrow?
Carla: Yeah, yeah. Four cases. The kids will be burping all through Woody's act.
Woody: Don't worry, with this outfit and these props, I'm going to have those kids rolling on the floor.
Cliff: Yeah, rolling around and burping. Now there's an attractive image for you.
Frasier: You know, Woody, I envy you, I really do. Creating laughter can be a healing art. Sometimes a clown can do better than a psychiatrist.
Carla: Yeah, and you can fit more of them into a little car.

Sam: Why? What? What's the matter?
Carla: I guess I'm remembering what happened the last time you tried to pitch both ends of a double header.
Sam: Oh, boy. Is it that obvious?
Carla: I think it was the drooling that gave you away.
Sam: Yeah, well, see, the thing is that I'm really attracted to Laurie, and I want to ask her out, but I don't want to stop dating the mother at the same time. I mean, it's like a real problem, you know?
Carla: Gee, must be a burden being so sensitive.

Sam: [to Laurie] Listen, uh, if you have a couple minutes on your hand here I'm about due for a break, aren't l, Rebecca?
Rebecca: Hell yes, you've been back at work for almost five minutes.
Sam: Wouldn't it be a hoot if your uncle took you back to the same zoo, but 15 years later?
Rebecca: How about it, guys? Would that be a "hoot" or what?
Laurie: Uncle Sammy, you're too much.

Rebecca: Woody, you can't desert me like this. I don't have time to get anyone else.
Frasier: This is the chance he's been waiting for.
Rebecca: Butt out! You are the one who insisted I hire him in the first place.
Frasier: Well, I was merely suggesting-
Rebecca: Where am I going to get another clown now?! I am ruined and it's your fault. You're the one who got me in this mess. You owe me a clown.
Frasier: Well, where do you think I can find one now?

Carla: Gee, Frasier, I mean, weren't you the one who said how much you envied Woody?
Frasier: Well, yes, I did say that-
Carla: And that clowns do more good than psychiatrists?
Frasier: Well, surely you're not suggesting-
Woody: Yeah, you'll be great, Dr. Crane. Stuff's all right here in this box. You can't miss.
Frasier: Me? You want me to don the jester's motley?
Woody: It's got to be you, Dr. Crane. It takes a big man to fill these shoes.
Frasier: Well, why not? I mean, they're just children after all. And I always have had a special rapport with the wee people. Where's the harm?

Frasier: Oh, gee, Woody, you know, I haven't had time to rehearse. I don't know anything about being a clown. You got any last minute advice for me?
Woody: Just be yourself.
Frasier: Ah, words of wisdom.

Carla: You think Bozo the Shrink can really cut it?
Woody: Are you kidding? That stuff is foolproof. The squirting flower, the horn, the trick handkerchief...
Carla: What trick handkerchief? You never showed us that.
Woody: That's the best one of all. You pull the handkerchief out of your pocket and your pants fall down. Underneath I'm wearing these ridiculous big red polka dot shorts. It's a riot!
Carla: You mean Frasier's supposed to be wearing those shorts?
Woody: Oh, no. I forgot to give my underwear to Dr. Crane. I should call. Well, no, no. I've got to get to the theater. Listen, Carla, somebody should warn him. Would you call him?
Carla: Of course. [laughs]

Frasier: Rebecca, what am I gonna do?
Rebecca: I don't know what you're going to do, but you better think of something quick because you're making... Do the flower deal.
Frasier: Oh, you mean this. [the kids laugh as Frasier squirts water at Rebecca] Hey, they like it! You want to see that again, kids?
Kids: Yeah!
Frasier: [squirts] Hey, I'm a clown, I'm a clown!

Cliff: Now you just stop it right there, buddy boy. You're talking crazy.
Sam: Damn it, I mean, I really hate this. I keep hearing this little voice and this time it's coming from my brain and it just, it won't shut up. And I got this feeling that it's going to keep nagging me until I just do the right thing and break it off with the daughter. [picks up the phone]
Carla: Whoa, wait, wait, Sammy, Sammy, listen. I could probably weather this scruples stuff, but the guys I mean, they look up to you so much.
Norm: Sammy. Sammy, please. Reconsider, okay? A mother and her daughter. This was going to be something I could tell my grandchildren.