Sam: Say, Laurie, I want to tell you how happy I am that you feel you can come and talk to me. Because I feel that you and I have this... Oh, look at that. A new ring?
Laurie: That's what I came to ask you.
Sam: What?
Laurie: I'm getting married and I want you to give me away.
Sam: Why you little, sl... sly one. Who's the lucky guy?
Laurie: Oh, it's a guy I met at school. We've been going together a couple years. You know, he's a lot like a young you, Sam.
Sam: Thank you. I can't wait to give you away.
Laurie: Thank you, Uncle Sammy. I love you.
Sam: Yeah, whatever. Run along.

Sam: I'm so sorry.
Carla: Don't feel bad, Sammy.
Sam: No, I let you guys down.
Carla: Listen, Sammy. Sure, things didn't go your way and, sure, we're a little disappointed, but we'll get over it.
What's important here is that you tried to do the wrong thing.
Sam: Hey, that's right, I did, didn't l?
Norm: [chants] Sammy, Sammy, Sammy!

Sam: Just in case, you know, if she comes in here and she's not very good-looking, will you do me a favor, pretend like you're my wife.
Carla: Okay.
Sam: All right.
Carla: Give me all the money in your wallet.
Sam: Why? What are you doing?
Carla: I'm practicing.